Author: yoinkie

I was talking to my friend whose a developer at a big company(lets say it rhymes with ficrosoft) and he was telling me about stuff they were developing. He told me that they already have the next two gaming systems developed(it rhymes with sexbox). I asked him why they dont tell anyone, and he said its because there current product is still selling and they want it to keep selling. So that got me thinking. What other products already have some crazy new stuff developed that they wont release for a while? Like is there a new type of computer? Is there a new way to watch dvd's or movies? New phones that do crazy new stuff? And then I really got thinking... are there cures to common and not so common health issues? But we arent given these cures, because the medicine's that temporarily cure or treat the desease are selling and making these corporations money. I mean, if they cured cancer, its gone and your healthy. BUT, treating cancer is an ongoing thing, and keeps making them money. My friend told me to not tell anyone about this, because of company secrecy issues, but I figured doing the exact opposite and posting it on the internet wouldnt hurt. oh and friendly stoner reminder: Cheech and chong are going to be on The Simpsons tonight. Should be hilarious!

I've seen many a vaginas, and how you manage to squeeze a 9 pound baby out of those things blows my freaking mind.

It's unbelievable watching mother natures destructive force. So many people will be dead before I wake up tomorrow...

What the hell man? never ONCE in my life have I seen a truck high enough that my car can fit under. Trust me I know, ive wanted to try since I saw the movie 8 years ago.

and on my laptop at the same time. I wanted to change the tv channel so I scrolled up with my mouse on my laptop. I couldnt understand why the channel wouldnt change. This went on for 5 minutes. When I finally figured it out I laughed for 5 minutes. So all in all, it was an awesome 10 minutes.

Why I am the way I am? And I ask them why they are the way they are? They say to me they are who they are because its who they were meant to be. I say I am the way I am because its who I want to be. Dont worry too much about tomorrow, because today will never come again. What you make of today will determine how great your tomorrow will be.

I cant wait until the day when I jump infront of the mirror and catch my reflection off guard and doing something other than me. You cant be perfect forever, mirror yoinkie!

gravity didnt apply to? Like for whatever reason, it just didnt apply to you. How inconvenient would life be? When you go to anyones house, while everyone will be hanging out on the floor, your up on the ceiling all by your lonesome. And wouldnt going outside be the most terrifying thing ever? Like you would have to tie weights to your feet every time, or you would just float away. And its not like theres anyway anyone would catch you either...so basically if you float away, your F'ed. I can only see one positive from this... tieing a string to yourself and one to the ground and just floating around outside. But what if the string breaks? how the hell did I come about thinking of this at 3am?!? ok mind, time for you to get some sleep.

I have a lot of beef with the way the college system is set up, but my biggest beef is the dumbass classes they let us choose from for our electives. All colleges are different, but no matter where you go, your going to have to take about 5 classes that are electives and have nothing to do with your program. The most common ones people take are communication, religion studies, geography, music studies, geology and other junk. Almost everyone ive ever known has taken an elective solely on the fact that they heard it was an easy A. You go to class, learn a couple interesting things, than forget about it. What they need to do is have a class thats called Mind Fuck 101. The way it will work is like this: Everyday you come to class, one student will lead the class in discussion. There job will be to research the night before, and come up with one statement/sentence/paragraph that will make the class think and get involved in active discussion. They will write it on the board, and the entire class will be just talking about that. Each student will do this once maybe twice during the semester. This will account for 30% of your grade. 30% will come from you just participating in other people's discussions. The final 40% will come from your final. The teacher will bring in scientific professors, philosophy professors, and whoever might want to volunteer. Your job is simple: create a theory or statement that blows these professors minds. It can be about anything really, as long as the professors realize that you spent a lot of time thinking about it and researching it. College elective classes are pointless and a huge waste of money. Every elective I ever took made me sleepy and bored. If this class existed, it would actually stimulate students mind. Not only that, but you might become so interested in one of the topics discussed, that you might choose to go into that field of study all together. ALSO, it will help one of the biggest issues college students have: speaking infront of an audiance. We are forced to speak infront of our peers, and most of the time its about something we care nothing about. BUT, in this class, you will be talking about a topic that you are passionate about. This will no doubtedly help people overcome the fear of public speaking, and that is one of the biggest skills you gain in college. Im thinking about creating a proposal for this class and sending it to a college(ofcourse im not going to call it mind fuck 101). What do you think? Would you attend this class?

Your body died due to natural aging. But your brain was able to be saved, and at your request, removed and placed into our life simulator machines. You are, for the lack of a better phrase, a cyborg. The world around you does not exist. It was designed and created specifically for you. You do not have any recollection of your real life, because we have found that are users enjoy our program much more when they think it is real. Again, this was explained to you and this was your choice. Your payment gave you one life to live. Many people have paid for multiple lives that are lived back to back. This option is perfectly healthy for you brain as well, but it does have a side effect of giving you deja vu. Once your program has expired, you will be given the choice of purchasing another life. But if you are unable to make payment, you will be sent on your way. Thank you for choosing our company to provide you with this service, and have a wonderful day.

All the toys get sick of andy touching them, so they revolt. Some appliances join in too. I already have an idea for the movie trailer: Andy walks into the bathroom, and 2 minutes later the toilet walks out and says, IM SICK OF ALL THIS SHIT!""

So when I smoke by myself, I get kind of bored/wierd and start talking to inanimate objects. Most of the time its just gibberish and for fun, but sometimes I learn something. I went to the beach to wake and bake this morning and saw this really awesome looking rock so I decided to converse with it: me: Hey there Mr. Rock! Rock: Please, call me hardy. Mr. Rock is my father. me: oh shit! I didnt know rocks had fathers! rock: Well hes not my father exactly. Hes the mountain I came off of. me: Man, thats tough. I remember when I moved out of my parents house. rock: yea, well my move out process took a couple thousand years. Talk about awkward. Me: dude, totally. Do you miss him? Rock: Yea kind of. I have seperation anxiety. HAAAhaaa, get it? Cuz im a rock, and I came off of him :D me: aww yeeeeee, thats clever hardy! so what have you done since than dude? rock: man, just chillin. Floating through life with the currents. Been to a couple beaches around the world. Got eaten by a few dozen sharks cuz they thought I was a fish. Being shark poop aint fun. I met Christopher Columbus once. He skipped me across the water. Cool guy. Miss that dude. me: that sounds pretty awesome hardy! but man, I gotta ask you, doesnt it get kinda annoying that you move through life so slow. I mean, it probably takes you a few years to move a foot! rock: you know what man, it is tough. But the way I look at it, I can either be pissed off and annoyed at how slow life moves, or I can just chill and take it all in. Getting mad doesnt help anyone dude. You just have to learn to accept it, and once you accept it, you can start enjoying it. me: wise words, Hardy, wise words. Hey dude, I gotta bounce... do you wanna come chill with me and live in my room? rock: your not going to put me in a stupid fish tank, are you? me: naw man, I wouldnt do that to you! you can chill on my shelf. rock: you got Fifa? me: aw yeeee rock: AW YEEEE me: YEEEEE. lets go!

On how epic you can be. HEY YOU! Go do something epic today. Make an impact on someone's life for the positive. Because hey, we are all alive. Might as well make all our lives EPIC

I have an amazing idea. I want to invent a phone that has a credit card inside of it, and you press a button and the swipe part comes out of one side so you can swipe it. Thats not all, because you will be able to open this phone up, and place money inside of it in a rolledex, and in the phone you type in what amount you want and it gives you cash from it. THATS NOT ALL because this phone will also have a slot, that if you press a button on your phone your car key or your house key pops out! ONE PHONE TO RULE THEM ALL!

If aliens were to ever come to earth, the only possible way we would be able to communicate with them would be through math. Thats because math is universal, any smart species would have created a math system exactly like ours. So if you ever meet an alien, and you want to prove to it your an intelligent species, you now know what to do.