Author: jgurks

World Record

I just devoured three Snickers in 4 minutes. Doesn't sound like a challenge? They were frozen.

Dear, Above The Influence

I'm pretty sure smoking weed is NOT comparable to letting leeches suck my blood. I'm pretty sure no one could convince me to do that, even if I was high. Nor would I laugh if I saw anyone doing this, even if I was high. I might freak the fuck out though, because I'm a relatively average human being. Oh right, and what SOBER person came up with this? They should be institutionalized. Thanks for trying. p.s. What's up with the arrow in the circle? Is that your gang sign? What are you, some kind of straight edge cult now?

Polite Stoners

When I get weed from my dealer I say 'please' and 'thank you', because I was raised right. And my dealer says 'you're welcome', gives me an extra nug now and then, and always lets me know when he's got good shit. Politeness pays, people.

Super Stoner

Somebody called me a 'super stoner' and I imagined myself in a light green cape, with a big, dark green marijuana leaf on it. Badass.

Alcohol v. Marijuana

When you pass out drunk, you may drown in your own vomit. When you pass out high, you just sleep well and have really interesting dreams. When you drive drunk, you hit pedestrians. When you drive high, you hit the brakes for leaves blowing across the road. When you talk to people when you're drunk, you say something offensive. When you talk to people when you're high, you say something brilliant. When you go swimming drunk, you drown. When you go swimming high, you're freakin' Michael Phelps. When you drink too much, they have to clean out your liver. When you smoke too much, you just have to clean out your ash tray.

I am sick..

...of reality shows about A) rich people living their lives B) pregnant teenagers


If you believe in God, that's fine. If you don't believe in God, that's fine. If you don't know what you believe in, that's fine. Because personally, I believe in TOLERANCE.