Author: disturbed116

Boner Patrol

So a few months ago I'm sitting in class on Halloween costume day and a hot girl walks in. Without missing a beat my friend who was a cop for the day stands up and yells BONER PATROL sir you are under arrest" He proceeded to cuff me and escort me out of class."

Akward UPS Moment

So I'm really high and the doorbell rings. I open my front door to a UPS guy only to realize i had no pants on, a pimp cane, and a bowl of cereal.

Handicapped Table

My friend and I are sitting in Mcdonalds and there is a table with a handicapped symbol. My friend looks under the table and then looks up confused. He asks Why is this table handicapped? It has all its legs""

Bacon Weed

I just thought how awesome it would be if someone spliced bacon plant genes with a strain of weed. Then i realized... bacons not a plant.

Crazy Munchies

A few months ago I came home and in 5 minutes had started making waffles, tortellini, and chicken nuggets. While it was cooking I was devouring a box of oreos at world record speed. At that time I heard the unmistakable sound of a chip bag, I turn around and BAM!! my dad has a giant bag of cheese doodles. The normal response would have been to calmly ask for some. My response, hands on my head and screaming HOLY CRAP CHEESSSSEEE DOOOODDDLEES" never have i gotten such a weird look from a parent."

Sometimes its baffling

So im sitting watching cops and this guy gets busted for a gram and the cops start getting really pissed and threatening the guy. Me: He shouldnt even be pulled over, theres no way that little should be illegal My Dad: It should be its bad! Me: Why is it bad? My Dad: *No Answer*