Let's Face It. English Is a Stupid Language.

There is no egg in the eggplant,
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England,
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted, but if we examine its paradoxes we find that:
Quicksand takes you down slowly,
Boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing?
If the plural of tooth is teeth,
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?
If the teacher taught,
Why hasn't the preacher praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
What the heck does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play,
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways?
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can burn up as it burns down,
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers,
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all.)

That is why:
When the stars are out they are visible,
But when the lights are out they are invisible.
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts,
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.


Tue, 06/07/2011 - 6:16pm
Errl Says:

This is awesome man. Thanks for that :)

Sat, 03/17/2012 - 12:13am

Hands down the greatest Highdea I've ever read

Sat, 03/17/2012 - 10:12am

you must not read a lot of highdeas then. haha

Sun, 03/18/2012 - 1:19pm

not to sound douchey or anything but I've been here over a year with almost all my highdeas popular. I've seen quite a few in my day, and this poem takes the cake

Thu, 10/29/2015 - 5:20am

awesome writing. i guess the people who invented the english language favored poetry over practicality.

Sat, 03/10/2012 - 10:44pm
Thu, 03/15/2012 - 7:32pm
samoyed Says:

And why the fuck isn't it a teethbrush?

Sat, 03/17/2012 - 12:26am

The "tooth"brush was probably invented in Kentucky.

Sat, 03/17/2012 - 6:57am
Tupacabra Says:

I'm from Kentucky. I signed in just to upvote this comment! lmao

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 10:03pm



Sat, 03/17/2012 - 1:11am

glad someone brought that up! why people bother when google exists i don't know.

Sat, 03/17/2012 - 2:06am
Gwolly Says:

Dude seriously who cares if someone else has thought of this, just because they weren't the first person to think of this doesn't mean that it isn't a good point. Are you one of those hipsters who think they thought of everything cool before it was cool? So it wasn't your first time hearing this, but it was my first hearing it so go be a hipster on some other site that cares, not this one.

Sat, 03/17/2012 - 2:47am
Hagrid Says:

He's not showing that its copied to show its not cool or whatever a hipster would be worried about, but probably let people know not to credit this highdea poster as the one who came up with it... As he wasn't

Sun, 03/18/2012 - 4:27am

This is exactly why this site has gone to redundant shit! People don't care! There okay with unorginality and that ain't right!

Fri, 03/16/2012 - 3:35am

Dude, creativity should be an endless plain with no limits whatsoever. I would think a stoner would realize that. Pine trees share the same genus as the plant that produces pineapple, and apple is the most renown fruit in the world, so the word is built for quick recognition of what it actually is. A god damn fruit from a pine tree. Yet I'm sure you call weed pot sometimes, but can't cook ramen noodles in it on a stove. Open up your mind man.

Fri, 03/16/2012 - 12:56pm
bakayurei Says:

'pine trees share their genus with the pineapple plant'? what? .. your basic point's spot on, but i don't know where you've gotten that idea, there are dozens of pine genera, and the pineapple is only very vaguely related to them, they only called it that because it sort of looks like a pine cone, but looking like something doesn't mean you're related to them .. it'd be like saying we share a genus with snails (except we don't look much like snails, but i couldn't think of a closer example)

Sun, 03/18/2012 - 4:15pm
kharmatika Says:
Mon, 03/19/2012 - 10:33am
bakayurei Says:

indeed.. and i think you might have hurt someone's feelings recently, someone keeps downvoting all of your comments for no good reason

Fri, 03/16/2012 - 7:09pm

That's not even close to the right reason they call it that. Biologist classify every living thing by it's DNA giving it certain chromosomes. If it shares the right amount and pattern of chromosomes with another living thing them it's put into a certain category. Biologists didn't say "check that shit out, it looks like that other shit. Let's give them the same name."

Sat, 03/17/2012 - 2:30pm
bakayurei Says:

you don't know what you're talking about at all

Sun, 03/18/2012 - 3:34pm
Jcdaniels2 Says:

Dna has just come up the past couple years and they did name things because they look like other things that's the way the brain works. They didn't have computers in the 1800's

Fri, 03/16/2012 - 8:12pm
kharmatika Says:

:O That is basically my thought process every day of my life...and truly a blessing to read while stoned.

Fri, 03/16/2012 - 8:52pm
Sun, 03/18/2012 - 4:16pm
kharmatika Says:
Fri, 03/16/2012 - 8:52pm

and why are apartments so close together?

Fri, 03/16/2012 - 10:19pm
Fri, 03/16/2012 - 11:43pm
shark_bait Says:

Dude dude dude. I just read that in my English class. Are you in my English class?!?!

Fri, 03/16/2012 - 11:41pm

this just proves almost everything is walking/talking condratiction.

Fri, 03/16/2012 - 11:58pm
Badfish420 Says:

I wrote a poem that actually rhymes and it has metaphors and similes. Its about life man, and it gets deep as shit. There are like infinity ways to interrupt my poem because its about infinity. http://highdeas.com/hd/A_very_Deep_ass_Poem_I_wrote

Sat, 03/17/2012 - 12:41am
texasbabe Says:
Sat, 03/17/2012 - 1:13am
KapZoola Says:
Sat, 03/17/2012 - 1:17am
bbish71 Says:

This was awesome. A good portion of what I think about during the day is common sense like about stuff like this.

Sat, 03/17/2012 - 1:36am
irocknight Says:

idc if this is stolen. this is awesome and im glad he posted this. i love this poem now. i posted it facebook lol!

Sat, 03/17/2012 - 2:43am
Hagrid Says:

Fucking god. Cut+pasted. Yea this is a cool post, but unfortunately it's not original. Saw it on Facebook before this post. And seriously, who could actually just pop up stoned and suddenly realize ALL this

Sat, 03/17/2012 - 3:32am
Chorealise Says:

There should be no debate, just joints being passed

Sat, 03/17/2012 - 5:35am
thompson91 Says:

& why the fuck is plural of goose, geese but the plural of moose isn't meese?

Sat, 03/17/2012 - 11:27am

See the problem with the english language isnt that we are stupid its that it is a mixed language plain and simple america is a mix so all different types of languages have been combined and they dont always mix welll

Sun, 03/18/2012 - 6:58pm
bakayurei Says:

the english language didn't develop in america, but in britain .. but yea, that's why it's so mental, why we say 'oxen' as the plural of 'ox' but 'cows' for 'cow', for instance, because everybody's been here to claim the country as their own- britons, romans, anglo saxons, franks, vikings, normans .. so the language is now mostly anglo saxon and latin, with a bit of norwegian up north and other bits and bobs here and there .. nothing to do with immigration into the US

Sat, 03/17/2012 - 8:53pm
Sat, 03/17/2012 - 10:10pm
dbobroo11 Says:
Sat, 03/17/2012 - 11:11pm

If that was original: That was a super sexy poem.
If that wasnt original: Thanks for sharing.
Either way, you got my upvote.

Sun, 03/18/2012 - 2:38am
Stork089 Says:

This is the stupidest highdea i have ever seen... these ALL have logical explenations. Hamburgers where invented im Hamburg Germany. English muffins are from england they just call them crumpets not muffins. And french fries is a potato that was sliced in the french style before fried. English is the best language. In germany and other countries instruction manuals come in english because it can describe more accuratly than other languages. Look at a multi langauge instruction manual, english is ALWAYS the shortest because less words are needed to describe what to do.

Sun, 03/18/2012 - 7:01pm
bakayurei Says:

we've never called muffins crumpets hahaha .. and french fries were named after a guy named 'french' .. and i certainly wouldn't say that english is a more efficient language than german .. also, you don't seem to realize that the poem's not original to the OP, and was just a comedy poem written to take the piss out of the mish-mash nature of the language, not to make any serious point about languages

Sun, 03/18/2012 - 1:23pm
alienchow1 Says:

why do I feel like i've read this before?

Sun, 03/18/2012 - 2:27pm
baked101 Says:

the fog lifted and the sunlight glistened across the steamy river, finally burning a hole threw the greyish clouds on the horizon, remnants from the ominous storm the night before. things were fastly changing in the world. people closing themselves in to their daily lives, mostly keeping to themselves without a thought or concern about the man walking next to him or her on their daily, non-colloquial commute to work. people were seeming to lose their understanding to the the world, like everyone was just walking machines as if they were being brainwashed by some "higher power". a mere glimpse at the world outside of their own mind and they would be set free from this so called "new way of life". reality seemed to be something different, something you wanted to escape. wait what the fuck is this about?

Sun, 03/18/2012 - 3:51pm

Everyone is arguing about this poem. I don't get it. I read this like 5 years ago. It's been around. It's very clever and I like it. But the poster should have given credit to wherever it came from.

If something isn't original, give credit. That's all.

It's nothing to fight about, people.

Sun, 03/18/2012 - 4:56pm
Sun, 03/18/2012 - 9:15pm
TokePoke44 Says:

the bit with the humanitarian doesn't make any sense....it depends on what the dude is, a vegan? a vegetarian?

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 1:13am

i really really really really liked reading that just now. it t ook like what seemed forver . but it was worth everything it took me to focus on this peom of yours :)

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 6:17pm

Would yall stop fucking debating about this, and fucking enjoy it. FUCK.
Like i dont give a shiiit if this highdea was a stolen one, im just glad i came along this.