I had a dream I was banging this hot chick while camping.
Fucking intense, man. Fucking intense.
I will know my future kids are smoking weed…
...the day the little screen goes missing from the kitchen sink. Dead giveaway.
Out of Weed?
Time for the less prestigious but always effective Wake 'n Scrape.
So I walked into a bar…
...and who do I see sitting next to me but 50 Cent. And he's knitting a sweater.
So I yelled to him,
Gee you knit?
(If you're high read that last line a couple times.)
What Non-Smokers Will Never Understand…
It's not just about getting high.
It's the risk and reward of buying it.
It's smelling it like a flower or a fine wine.
It's the nugget caressing.
It's the burning and tasting it as if it were a well cooked meal.
Getting high is just a nice byproduct of a really fun hobby.
Not to be racist but…
What do black people yell at each other when someone is getting too much saliva on the end of the blunt?
Dear Laughing Rabbit,
Just because I have a baby's rattle duct taped to my tail does not mean I won't FUCK YOUR WORLD UP.
Sincerely,
One Pissed-off Rattlesnake
You are not that important
Over 99% of the species that have ever lived on the Earth are now extinct.
I love how we as humans seem to think we are somehow exempt from this eventual outcome.
In the cosmic sense human beings are no more significant than a fly on a cow's ass you pass while you're doing 65 smoking one.
And just one person? Don't get me started.