A: It is the belief that a two-thousand-year-old jewish zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat an apple off a magical tree in a wonderland.

-Not my joke, found it on stumbleupon and just had to share with you all

Made popular on: 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 3:34pm


Comments

 
Sat, 02/12/2011 - 2:44am
APancake Says:

Hahahahahaha its funny becuase its true!

Btw you have some funny ass highdeas bro, keep em comin!

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 2:47pm
StOcKaBoi Says:

lol joke? this isnt a joke. its a detailed description of what ppl actually believe xD lulz

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 4:50pm
aznsmoke2 Says:

goddamn! this was made may 2010 and it just now got popular?

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 3:00pm
 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 3:11pm

What is atheism?
A: The belief that there was nothing and nothing happened to nothing and then nothing magically exploded for no reason, creating everything and then a bunch of everything magically rearranged itself for no reason what so ever into self-replicating bits which then turned into dinosaurs.

Not my joke, I saw it a long, long ass time ago when I still had a myspace.

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 3:47pm
Kumili727 Says:

no your a retard atheism is a lack in the belief of a god or gods. thats all nothing else to it.

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 5:29pm
Patchman Says:

Wow this guy gets downvoted for having a religious opinion? Fuck that honestly atheists are some of the most arrogant assholes, why can't people just believe what they want? If you don't believe in god, awesome. If you do, awesome. Just don't throw your opinions down other peoples throats

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 7:01pm

i would upvote your comment like ten more times if i could

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 7:16pm

Hells ya bro, see all this shit? all upvotes for anti religions shit and then anti atheist jokes are suddenly frowned upon? If you laughed at the original highDea then you should be laughing at this and not getting all of a sudden butt hurt Upvote for you BlazeUp_EatUp!

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 7:02pm
 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 7:20pm

how about you smoke a bowl and accept peoples believes, if you told me you believe in the big bang i would laugh my ass off.

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 8:16pm
Elizablunt Says:

Let people believe what they want dude. Don't be an asshole.

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 11:21pm

if your talking to caboosedaman he isn't the one being an asshole it's every atheist on here being total dicks and bashing Christianity like it's their job they can believe what they want.... they are just believing the wrong thing.... ha by the way you can try and give me all kinds of shit for this but it won't do you any good ahaha

 
 
Fri, 04/08/2011 - 12:16am
Jimmee Says:

Okay dud, this is what bothers me. You bash on the Atheists, but if they bash it's wrong. First off, no one on this thread of comments has bashed Christians at all. That is a fact. Another fact; the guy that redefined Atheism WAS 100% wrong. Atheism is NOT the same as believing in everything science tells us is true. Atheism is quite simply the belief that there is no one true God or gods. That guy redefined the Big Bang theory.

It is close-minded people like you that give Christians a bad name in my eyes. If it wasn't for Christians like you, I might follow organized religion. According to YOUR Bible, it is not your duty to pass judgment on others. Fuck them if they pass it on to you.

In my experiences, I have found many MANY more open-minded Atheists than Christians. Christians always want to tell you that you're wrong, while Atheists will keep there mouths shut because they know what it's like to have someone jump down their throat for their beliefs. I was told I was stupid in 5th grade because I was the only one in my community whose parents did not try to teach any form of religion, but instead allowed me to come to my own conclusions, and by the time I was 11, I had decided God didn't exist.
My community literally once held the record for the most churches in 100 square miles.
The kids didn't like me.

I've changed my views in the past few years to just not believing in organized religion, even though I believe the very well could be a God. I also believe science and God go hand in hand, if He is real. Who's to say science wasn't his medium? The Pope himself says evolution could have been God's device.

In conclusion, fuck close-minded Christians, fuck close-minded Atheists, and believe whatever you want.

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 3:30pm
5-meo-dmt Says:

Religion is a DELUSION. From where i'm sitting i'm looking through a 2 way mirror. The people with religion can only see their reflection.

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 4:00pm
AllLitUp Says:
 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 4:04pm

im sorry that you athiest think that.
well in the end you will regret

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 5:09pm
 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 5:22pm
yoinkie Says:

what, may 22nd, 2011? Thats when the rapture is suppose to happen right? What happens on may 23rd, when we find out that nothing has happened?

Come on now, even if you are religious, you HAVE to agree that this rapture stuff is unbelievably ludacris. I mean, really now.

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 7:03pm

the rapture isn't supposed to happen on the 22nd dipshit

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 7:04pm
yoinkie Says:

sorry, may 21st. And why are you calling me a dipshit?

http://www.ebiblefellowship.com/may21/

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 11:14pm

i mean if you actually read the bible like you said you did than you would know that there is no specific date or time that judgement day or the rapture will begin.....

 
 
Mon, 04/25/2011 - 1:45am

Certain religious denominations have come out predicting the rapture on specific dates

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 6:05pm
bud2.0 Says:
 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 6:12pm

I LOVE TACO BELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 4:21pm
Kiwi Says:

Hey guys, be cool to one another. I don't care if you're atheist, christian, muslim, bhuddist, or wiccan. We are all bros here and we need to be cool and treat eachother with some respect. Chillin and havin a good time is what this is all about; not what gods you do or dont beleive in. Live, Laugh, Love. I don't see the word hate there. Do you?

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 5:03pm
yoinkie Says:

agreed. I posted this like, 11 months ago. Ive become a more well rounded, spiritual person since than. No need to hate on anyone for any reason.

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 4:27pm
 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 4:54pm
yoinkie Says:

Wait, I'm a little confused as to why people are angry at this.... this is exactly what Christianity has been teaching for 2 thousand years. Just because its worded more realistically, it offends you? This is what your teaching people in your churches, your children, your family. What's making you mad? I never said your god doesn't exist, or your religion is wrong. This is exactly what Christianity has been telling the world for 2 thousand years, just worded differently.

Granted the word "zombie" seems offensive, but the literal definition of zombie is "the walking undead". Ya...

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 4:56pm
Kiwi Says:

I'm a christian, and your post actually made me laugh. :P
I'm only mad because now your comment section is a hate forum. That IS NOT what this site is about, and I'm pretty sure you knew that would happen.

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 5:04pm
yoinkie Says:

ya I would never post this now, because of the hate forum. But I posted this 11 months ago, when I was completely new to this site. My bad I guess, not my intent to create hate. Im a lover, not a hater!

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 5:02pm
Gofherit Says:

It doesn't matter what you believe in. Atheist, Buddhist, Christianity, in reality it doesn't matter. I don't think less of anyone that believes in something than those who believe in nothing. I'm an atheist but that's because I could care less about religion, I live my life knowing what I do is morally and ethically correct. I don't hurt anyone and I live my life as a good citizen. There's no point in religionism.....errr to discriminate against, insult, or force your views upon anyone.....

I'm going to smoke another bowl. That required too much stored energy.

And your highDEA made me laugh :) Thanks for sharing.

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 5:07pm
yoinkie Says:

im pretty sure thats why religion was created in the first place...to give humasn moral guidelines, as well as traditional values. Give people hope for a better day. buit some people messed it up along the way, and turned it into a weapon of mass destruction.

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 7:33pm

ding ding ding! the last 4 words tell's it all!

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 5:31pm
Patchman Says:

I'm christian (I guess) but I don't believe in the bible.

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 5:33pm

i hate when people constantly put down my Christian faith.. i honestly don't think there is a need for a religious debate on this website... let's all get along cmon... TWO things that can tear a friendship apart, no matter how close of friends you are, are RELIGION and POLITICS... i honestly don't know ALL the details about either one, but whatever happened to just respecting someone else's opinion instead of holding your own as the "TRUTH"?

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 6:04pm
bud2.0 Says:

this is very disrespectful and stupid.
i bet none yall actually read a bible but you knock on it like you have just chill you aint that great

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 6:07pm
yoinkie Says:

I can bet you anything that I have read more of the bible than you have.

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 7:31pm

hahaahha. i'm with you on this yoinkster. many people think the deep-minded people haven't read the bible. NO NO, we read the bible. and we understood that it was a very good book. One, that if you would like to believe, then be my guest.

 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 6:48pm
Patchman Says:
 
 
Thu, 04/07/2011 - 8:20pm
Elizablunt Says:

Anything could sound silly when worded like that.

 
 
Fri, 04/08/2011 - 12:35am

Im a firm believer in Christ and i thought it was funny. I mean any belief sounds ridiculous when put into terms like that. But its cool man because as a Christian Im just called to love on people. Not condemn them! JUST LOVE!

 
 
Fri, 04/08/2011 - 12:40am
Jimmee Says:

Seriously. If an Atheist is living a morally ambiguous life, why the fuck would they go to Hell? Why would Jesus give conditional acceptance to Heaven? Why would you go to Hell simply because you didn't say thanks to Jesus?

If people are living life right, it's no one's business what they believe. God and Jesus didn't tell you to make people feel like shit if they don't believe what you do. Follow your own rules. If they hate on you, treat them with love, like your religion says. Not following your own beliefs makes you at LEAST as bad as the guys who truly and honestly in their hearts don't believe in God. At least they're being real.

I don't believe in organized religion whatsoever, but I am open to ideas about God.

Think about this, Christians and people who believe in science (By the way, Atheism by definition does not tie you to scientific beliefs, Christians):

What if God made the "Big Bang?" What if He made everything, and science is the way He did it, considering it is a "scientific" fact that "scientific" materials are part of their make-up.
What if while dictating the Bible, He knew there was no way the people of the time period would understand everything if He laid it before them, so he wrote it in a way that they would understand? After all, God knows. He knew we would bemore civilized and more intelligent now than then. What if he has tried to lay down another Bible? One that puts things in scientific terms that we can better understand the world through today?

What if we put the guy who was channelling God into an asylum? If I told you God spoke to me, you'd call bullshit. What if He legitimately did and the guy is in a nut house? No revolutionary new Bible...

Isn't that all possible?
I'll post it as a highdea sometime soon.
Sorry for rambling.

 
 
Fri, 04/08/2011 - 2:18pm

I think this might have been my first downvote and I feel bad but I don't think there should be controversial subjects such as religion on here. This was a long time ago and you've changed since then so that's cool. There's still a lot of posts like this one though and people should be allowed to believe in whatever they want. After all it doesn't hurt anyone if people just keep their opinions and respect others.

 
 
Tue, 04/19/2011 - 3:40am