They really need to make capri sun packs bigger. I'm not fucking 7 anymore. I'm a grown man with bad kottenmouth. All I'm trying to say is that sometimes 6.5 Fl. Oz. just doesn't cut it.

Talking is such a hassle when your high.

They need to make drivethrus like touchscreen at night, so all the stoned ass kids can get their food without saying a goddamn thing. This would save the workers having to talk n shit, and food would be much more appealing if i can just reach out and touch a GIANT FUCKING PICTURE of what i want. Also as a bonus, a robotic hand would hand me my food and i'd be like "thanks robot" and the robot would be like "no prob braahhhh" and i'd be like "yeeaaaaaaaaa, he knows."

thank you for grabbing that bag of chips earlier today, even though you where not hungry at the time. you knew stoned me would want them later.

thanks for watching out for me.

sincerely, stoned me.

when he mixed 4 different types of cereal and called it "I can't wait to see what this milk will taste like"

When you saw me licking the two straws from my strawberry milkshake then stick my tounge between them and moving it up and down, all why staring directly at you, i was just really baked and wanted to get all the fucking whip cream. you didn't need to flip me off or scream at me in front of all those people

smokeless high, no lighter to lose, no accidental spillage of weed. Directions: Chew gum until desired high is acheived. If you are an "over acheiver" with your high just replace THC gum with a (nameless) caffeine gum to give yourself a pick me up..... THC Gum easy to pack, easy to carry, fun to slip to your grandma!!!

So everybody knows an apple a day keeps the doctor away. And everyone knows smoking a bowl a day keeps the doc away too. So my question is if I smoke a bowl out of an apple and eat it, that pretty much makes me immortal, right?

Dear Bacon,

First of all I love you, I want to make that clear.

I must tell you that when your cooking I'm thinking of you inside me. It's hot.

I'm sorry you caught me cheating on you with a sausage...it was a one time thing, I'll never do it again, you know that!

Please forgive me bacon...remember all the good times we had? You me and eggs sitting around shootin the shit, talking about how much of a loser toast was...ahhhh...just think of all the memories.

Bacon, I want you back...don't leave me...Your sizzle is my breakfast in the morning.

Roxy.

Weed should come with a warning.....WARNING: do not smoke around girlscout cookies.

arizona iced tea was designed for stoners. its in a relatively big can and its only a dollar. it also comes in a variety of awesome flavors. personal favorite is watermelon.

dude. chicken pot pie; my three favorite things. ha ha

so i just met a suuuper hott girl who's way cute and funny and i hooked her up with a dub last night after hittin her vape. so for valentine's day im going to get a box of chocolates, eat one or two :), and put little nuggs of some sticky dank i have in their place. then wrap it up and give it to her! there's no effing way this could end badly.. :)

Don't you just hate it when there are those snobby people that don't smoke, but drink. And they are all "I hate weed, it makes you stupid. Your stupid for doing it" but then they get fucking smashed and then cheat on there boyfriend and fuck some random guy. Just saying. You just make yourself look stupid:)
Weed: 984,934,593
Alcohol: 0

finishing the first half of your sandwich only to realize you still have an entire half-sandwich to go.

starburst should make packages of just the pink ones. everyone knows they're the best.