The fallowing conversation wouldnt have taken place if it wasnt for the lovely Ms. Smitten24 and her highdea: http://highdeas.com/world-business/That_Bug

Anyways, I sometimes have conversations with inanimate objects, and now a spider. Most of the time its just gibberish, but sometimes I learn valuable life lessons, for instance about the beauty of life and the beauty of death. I went to my backyard yesterday and saw a spider, and this is how it went down:

Me: Eek, a spider!

spider: Eek, a human!

me: Eek, a talking spider!!!!

spider: Holy shit, you can hear me? You must be high as shit dude!

me: HA, guilty. Wait... do you... do you wanna get high?

spider: You read my mind DARLING!

10 minutes and 2 bowls later....

me: Man, your cool as shit spider. Do you have a name?

spider: well, since spiders dont talk, its kinda pointless having a name if no one is ever going to say it.

me: Whoa, thats super sad, dude. Im going to give you a name. From now on, you shall be named Charlotte! and the web your sitting in is called Charlotte's Web! HAHAHAHA

Charlotte: Haha, your clever. Im gonna call you...WILBUR! :D :D :D

wilbur: YEAAAAHHHHH!!! WAIT, no! Are you going to have babies and die? Thats what happened in the book, Charlotte had her babies and than she died! You cant die on me Charlotte, you just cant!

Charlotte: Naw, chill out dude, thats not gonna happen for a long ass time. I havent even had babies yet!

Wilbur: ya ok, I guess thats good, we still have time. But Charlotte, your going to have babies, but they arent even going to stick around and hang out with you! what a shitty bunch of kids.

Charlotte: Thats just how life works with us, man. If you smoke another bowl and blow it on me, ill tell you all about it.

Wilbur: FUCK YES.

another bowl and 5 minutes later....

Charlotte: So I says to him "hey buddy! thats not my penis, thats my fifth leg!" hahahahaha. Anyways, what the hell were we talking about before?

Wilbur: You were gonna tell me how you put up with working your whole life for the one moment you have kids, and when you do, they just bail on you!

Charlotte: Its the way of life, man. If all the kids stay with me, theres no way I can protect them all. And if they stay with me, they wont learn anything for themselves. Us spiders are loners, man. We just need to hit the road alone. Find our own corners, build are own webs.

Wilbur: well, I dont agree with it, but I understand you man. I get it. Spiders have a shitty life, man. Im not gonna lie to you...ive probably killed a few of your brothers.

Charlotte: Yea, ive seen what you do. You leave my dead comrades laying around. Not cool man, not cool.

Wilbur: shit... about that... fuck, this is awkward.

Charlotte: HAHAHAHA, im messing with you, man. Its all good, theres plenty more of us where that came from :-D

Wilbur: NO man, its not all good. I always found you guys pretty disgusting for no reason. I guess, I never really took the time to really get to know you guys. Your alive, just like I am. Just because you creep me out doesnt mean I should kill you. Im so sorry, man. Doesnt that suck? People kill you all the time, never really giving you a chance. Isnt it scary knowing that death is right around the corner for you at any moment?

Charlotte: Death can be around the corner for anyone, man. Not just spiders. You could get hit by a car tommorow! who knows

Wilbur: Whoa, dude your so right.

Charlotte: The way I look at it... Life is a beautiful circle. you arent given life as a "right", your given it as a gift. If you keep worrying about your death, you might miss out on your life. Im not saying dont be cautious... im saying, live everyday like it was created especially for you. There is nothing you cant attempt today. Hey you might fail, but failing is as big a part of life as winning.

Wilbur: you speak beautiful words, Charlotte. Im with you on that. Life is... beautiful. But you know what isnt beautiful? Death. Death, fucking sucks.

Charlotte: but isnt it? We are all part of the never ending wheel, man. The wheel of life. It connects us all. We all die. Every single day, your dieing. But you know what? Every single day, your changing. If you could live forever, What would motivate you to get out of bed? You would think "ah fuck it, im gonna live forever. no point in doing anything today". Death...makes you live. It drives you, it motivates you. Its what makes today, this hour, this minute, this SECOND... so special.

Wilbur: Wow, man. Death...is beautiful. Your my favorite spider ever, Charlotte. You can lay your 1,000 spider eggs in my backyard any day.

Charlotte: Thank man, I was going to do it with or without your permission anyway. Haha

Wilbur: Haha, jerk! Well, I gotta get going Charlotte... so uh, where do we go from here?

Charlotte: Just keep doing your thang man, and Ill keep doing mine. Come by whenever you want and smoke me out again! oh and do me a favor? Lay off the bug spray homie. Your scaring all the bugs away, AKA my MUNCHIES.

Wilbur: ohhh no man, I didnt mean to do that to you! Alright done, no more bug spray. I just have one last question for you man, its been bugging me my whole life...is it true that on average 6 spiders crawl into your throat while you sleep each year?

Charlotte: haha, do you really want to know the answer to that?

Wilbur: HAha, good point dude. Until next time, Charlotte. Give me a high five! er, high EIGHT!

Made popular on: 
Tue, 04/19/2011 - 12:21am


Comments

 
Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:30pm
agrweed Says:

I just read all of that...pretty deep message packed in there...could be a little picture book

 
 
Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:33pm
yoinkie Says:

Thanks man, thats what I was going for! It got pretty intense in the middle huh? haha. Who better to learn about life and death from than a spider.

 
 
Wed, 04/20/2011 - 6:19pm
yoinkie Says:

what old tasteless joke are you talking about sir?

 
 
Thu, 04/21/2011 - 3:46am

Yeah I'm lost as well. i'd like to know what this old tasteless joke is.

 
 
Thu, 04/21/2011 - 7:25pm
yoinkie Says:

ya, I know right? I really think he meant to comment on a different highdea of mine...because this is one of the most original highdeas ive come up with, IMO

 
 
Fri, 05/13/2011 - 1:31am

dude, i loved it, and this isnt a disagreement, just some insight on how this spider looks at things.. aha. life isnt a gift, or a blessing, or anything like that. you dont "own" life, therefore you cant "lose" your life. you are life. and thats a thing most people fail to realize. thats what makes every living thing so beautiful, is that in essence, we are all the same.

 
 
Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:32pm
agrweed Says:

they tricked me....said my comment didnt post

 
 
Tue, 04/19/2011 - 12:01am
yoinkie Says:

OH, almost forgot...I think you guys will enjoy this story a lot more if you picture me as a pig. Also, Charlotte in my mind is Angelina Jolie with a sexy British accent. :D But, like always, Tommy Chong works really well too!

 
 
Wed, 09/28/2011 - 12:51pm
moohaha Says:
 
 
Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:44pm
cisco_kid Says:

Ahhhh I fricken love you, yoinkster! I love your mind. Let's have a brainchild. I just feel like our brainchild would be the wittiest, most clever, little sneaky brain child that ever existed haha.

And it's funny that I read this today because earlier on in Philosophy class we were talking about death and its significance in life. I said some awesome thing about things almost always being grey area and that death isn't necessarily "wonderful and the point of life" and it isn't necessarily pointless. It's in that middle ground and you have to decide what exactly defines that middle ground for you.

 
 
Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:55pm
yoinkie Says:

haha, our brainchild would be awesome!

I really enjoy writing these kinda highdeas(id probably say they are by far my favorite ones to write) and people seem to like them, so I thought I might as well keep er going.

I had a lot lot more to say about the Death part, but I noticed the highdea was getting really long, so I decided to save it for another day. I was gonna go down the "death gives your life significance." like, without death, we just are...every journey needs a destination. I watched "tuck everlasting" the other night, and got into the whole "would you drink from the fountain and want to live forever" debate with a couple of my friends last night. It got pretty intense, and made me think about all this kinda stuff. I always thought I would want to live forever, but now I just dont know. I feel like if there was no end, the journey of life wouldnt be as enjoyable.

Im rambling, and im focking HIGHH!!!

 
 
Tue, 04/19/2011 - 12:46am
hdizz10 Says:

Oh my God. I just read your whole dialogue piece and i am dumbfounded at this moment. I scrolled up, Upvote. I scrolled down, started reading the comments. And the Tuck Everlasting part is so true. I loved that movie when I was younger and if you paid attention to the emotions and anticipations in life that they both experienced, they both have way different outlooks on the quality of their lives.

 
 
Tue, 04/19/2011 - 1:09am
yoinkie Says:

so true, what happens in life when there are no more surprises? anticipation and not knowing what tommorow will bring is what makes tommorow worth waiting for.

 
 
Tue, 04/19/2011 - 4:13am
HighGuyRy Says:

im not gonna lie and say that im not terrified of death because i most definitely am. but thats not why i would consider living forever, given the choice. not saying that i would do it, but imagine how significant to society you could be if you could live forever. you could help make all the dangerous scientific advancements that other people are too scared to take risks on. you could be there to witness the incredible development of society through time. you could experience life to the fullest and i mean the absolute fullest. you could literally do everything there is to do. and who says you would get bored with it? as time moves on youll always be able to experience new things. IMAGINE being able to do EVERYTHING. Completely blows my mind. possibly even after a really long time even determine the meaning of life since you have so much experience with it? idk mane, being able to live forever would have its obvious burden, but i cant help but see it from the perspective of recognizing the opportunity it would bring. i wouldnt be as quick to write it off as other people would be.

wow that was one of the deepest thoughts ive ever had

hahaha "Im rambling, and im focking HIGHH!!!"

 
 
Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:54pm
yoinkie Says:
 
 
Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:44pm
Herbicide Says:

Make this into a story book, and I will read it to my children every night.

 
 
Mon, 04/18/2011 - 11:58pm
yoinkie Says:

that is a mighty fine compliment sir! It would make a pretty cool little flip book eh?

 
 
Sun, 04/24/2011 - 2:07pm

Haha man make this into a book and I'll buy 2 copies 1 incase something happens to the other one and 1 to bring with me everywhere to inspire some friends of mine that they should live instead of being freaked out or worrying all the time
good job man :]

 
 
Tue, 04/19/2011 - 12:11am

Man you need to write a fucking book man! I would buy that shit!

But this is really great man. All your stories have such great morals. Makes you really think about life Haha

 
 
Tue, 04/19/2011 - 12:22am
yoinkie Says:

thanks man, thats awesome! Whenever I write these, my only two goals are to make you laugh and to make you think. If you walk away smiling or thinking, my job is done :-)

 
 
Sun, 04/24/2011 - 2:28pm
in_lakech Says:

You know how to get the job done, Yoink!

 
 
Tue, 04/19/2011 - 1:12am

when charlotte said: do you want to know the answer to that, i could only picture the guy from harold and kumar escape from guantanamo bay when the harolds like: EWWW do you even wipe your ass?

"Don't ask questions you dont want the answer to"

and i agree with everyone else. write a book or i will about why yoinkie never wrote a book

 
 
Wed, 04/20/2011 - 4:40pm
Alistor Says:

This was great, man. I love your conversations with things :) They're funny and meaningful :)

And I'm terrified of spiders O_O

_________________________
Give these guys a chance :)

 
 
Tue, 04/19/2011 - 1:47am
irocknight Says:

wow this is so funny! "not cool man, not cool!" haha this is so amazing and the actual story made me think as well and it has an amazing message. and if you ever do get high enough to talk to a spider, ill litterally fly to washington and buy what your smoking :)

 
 
Tue, 04/19/2011 - 3:34am

Damn dude. This is amazing stuff. I agree with everyone man, you honestly really should write a book. Or just comprise a bunch or little short stories, just anything on your mind. Its amazing because you get a good meaningful point across, and your hilarious. Your highdeas constantly amaze me man. So thank you kindly.

Also, I feel like you could have an awesome tv show. hahah
Have a good one man, keep up the good work.

 
 
Tue, 04/19/2011 - 9:00am
jobin Says:

Good read yoink, you always have a great moral behind your stories, man.

 
 
Tue, 04/19/2011 - 5:35pm
Alistor Says:

You've inspired me, good sir :) Take a look at this:

http://highdeas.com/philosophy/yoinkie_A_Post_Bowl_Dedication_To_You

P.S. I noticed I hadn't upvoted this highdea even though I liked it a lot when I first read it and it's because I get so drawn into the longer highdeas sometimes that I forget to go back up and upvote. xD So I upvoted it just now.

 
 
Tue, 04/19/2011 - 6:44pm
yoinkie Says:

no worries man, I forget to upvote all the time hah

 
 
Wed, 04/20/2011 - 3:23pm
 
 
Wed, 04/20/2011 - 3:59pm
raisintree Says:

What a wonderful story, man. You meet the coolest talking creatures and things! Lol

 
 
Wed, 04/20/2011 - 4:08pm

As soon as I saw the title i knew it was Yoinkie cuz he's the only one who talks to stuff that we don't like the rock, the water, and now the spider

 
 
Wed, 04/20/2011 - 4:11pm

"You arent given life as a "right", your given it as a gift."
That cleared up a lot for me man, thanks.

 
 
Wed, 04/20/2011 - 5:16pm

That just made my crap way more enjoyable

 
 
Wed, 04/20/2011 - 11:17pm
Kushinator Says:

Dude, this is deep, I cried a little... thanks for this life changing lesson man...

 
 
Fri, 04/22/2011 - 2:18pm
lexii Says:
 
 
Sat, 04/23/2011 - 11:29pm
Benga Says:

LMAO good story man :] i love you immediately changed "me:" to "wilbur:" hahahaha cracked me the fuck up xP

 
 
Thu, 04/28/2011 - 7:25am
budgirl Says:
 
 
Sat, 05/07/2011 - 11:19am
hgihhigh Says:
 
 
Wed, 09/28/2011 - 1:01pm
moohaha Says:

"We all die. Every single day, your dieing. But you know what? Every single day, your changing. If you could live forever, What would motivate you to get out of bed? You would think "ah fuck it, im gonna live forever. no point in doing anything today". Death...makes you live. It drives you, it motivates you. Its what makes today, this hour, this minute, this SECOND... so special."
is it okay if i use this as a quote for my yearbook pic? its just so awesome