I herd the girl I used to be madly in love with, really the only girl I've truly been in love with, is pregnant.

I met her back on the first day of highschool,I fell in love that very day. I failed every class that year, except for English, that was the only class I had with her. We started off as friends but very quickly our friendship turned into something more.

Being young, and being in love, we used to just sit and talk for hours on end. Talk about the littlest most insignificant things like if the moon were ours, would we break it apart and each keep a half so we always have it with us, or keep it whole and gaze at its beauty every night and know that it was something special between the two of us that the entire world could share.

We would also talk about bigger picture things, like the purpose of life, about death (To this day shes the only girl I've talked about my fathers passing with), and our futures. We weren't sure on anything really except when we pictured our futures, we always had each other in it.

We would also talk about the subject of children, at the time I was too young to ponder such a possibility, I would always tell her, I wasnt sure when i would be ready for kids, and wasnt even really sure on how to be a father, but when the time would come I knew it would be with her, and I truly meant it.

Never then or until very recently did I even really give fatherhood a serious, serious thought. But now that I've herd shes pregnant, I cant stop thinking about it. Thinking if only she were still here with me, how OUR lives would have been, and how that baby would have could have been ours, and how I would have been as a father, with her by my side.

So we come to my original reason on posting a "highdea" (I know it got cluttered wit a bunch of other shit but this is what came out, I dont go against life or the universe)on what type of father I would have been. I would be a loving father, one who will always put my children and my family first. One who will always be there to encourage, to care, and to support my kids for all my life.

And I would teach my children to love, everyone and to hate, no one. To be kind, courteous and generous. To never judge, and to never think they are better then anyone. To stand up against injustice, and intolerance, and to always know, that one person can make a difference, and an entire group can change the world. These are some of the values I would want my children to learn, and to live by. Real stoner values.

Only if she weren't sent away, I believe we'd still be here together. I still look up at the moon from time to time and think of her. And as long as the moon is in the night sky, she will always be in my heart.

I put this on here for my own reasons, for my own sake, I might get ripped for putting it on here, thats fine. I did it because I feel like this is what I'm supposed to do, and I dont go against what I feel anymore.

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Fri, 08/27/2010 - 2:56am


Comments

 
Wed, 07/04/2012 - 2:16am

allthefeels.jpg
That's just the way things fall in to place bro :( life goes on, sad as it is :'( Keep lookin up to that moon every night though bro, you never know when she might be looking at it too. Too many times a day do I think to myself "Damn I wish I could go back for just one day" about high school other times in my life and shit. But you gotta realize you wouldn't be who you are today without those good times :) Its interesting to think of how things could have played out for you and her, but would you be the 'you' that you are right now without experiencing losing her? If things had have stay perfect between you two and you were still together to this day, you would never have this experience of knowing how much she really means to you. And the moon sure wouldn't have that indescribable feel when you look at it.

C'est la vie, my ninja.

 
 
Mon, 08/06/2012 - 9:12pm
JackOn Says:

I ain't gonna lie man, I got tears in my eyes reading this. Love can be cruel sometimes.

 
 
Fri, 02/15/2013 - 5:44pm
Fredjt Says:

wow man the same shit is happening to me. My first love is pregnant. The funny thing is my bestfriend is the father but they love each other so im happy for them.

 
 
Mon, 04/22/2013 - 8:54pm
boo_212121 Says: