I often lay awake in my bed at night. I try to sleep, but Insomnia is my dark passenger tonight, and it wont let me go. I often wonder, why insomnia bothers me so; it thrives on any kind of thinking. "Dont think" I tell myself, but I refuse to listen, because insomnia also thrives on thinking about not thinking. Maybe I enjoy my thoughts too much to let them go, maybe im afraid to leave my thoughts alone, while I venture off into a dreamland that I can not explain, to even my own thoughts. "I will return to you, dear thoughts, but for now, please let me go." And like that, the light lets me go, and I am one with the darkness.

Oh dreams, why are you so cruel? Why do you create for me and only me the most wonderful of all places, why do you let me frolic in these places for what seems like hours, Why do you let me create my own world, my own fantasy.....only to take it all away from me once I wake? Why can I not remember you, in my waking life? Why are you so far away from me, subconscious? You live inside of me, yet you hide from me constantly. Oh dreams, why must you be so cruel? Let me remember this one dream, just this one time.

The best 10 minutes of sleep I get, is the 10 minutes I get after hitting the snooze button in the morning. "Just 10 more minutes, is all I need". Its impossible to go to sleep, and even harder to get out of its grasps in the morning. I need to let you go, sleep, for the day awaits. My journey isnt yet over, sometimes it feels like it hasnt even begun, and sometimes it feels like im not even on the journey anymore. Life gives you a Zig, when all you asked for was a Zag.

Perception is such a beautiful thing. where are you right now? Is there a floor beneath you? Of course there is...look at it. What your seeing with your eyes, is probably an area of 5-6 feet, max. Move your eyes from one point of the room you are in to another. Your eyes just traveled, 12-15 feet, max. Now look up. Your perception has changed. Just minutes ago, your reality was a floor, with an area about 5 feet. Now you look up, and your eye is looking at an amount of space you can not even fathom. Look at a point in the sky, right now. Now, drag your eyes across the night sky, to another point. Your eye just traveled a distance of over a million light years, maybe even a billion, maybe even a trillion. All of that space, was perceived by your eyes. The same eyes that could only look at an area on your wall which was only 15 feet across. And now, now you see everything. Thats life for you; you can see nothing, or you can see everything. It all depends on where you look and how you look at things.

Do you ever feel lonely? I feel lonely. It grows inside of me, like a blackhole, and sometimes I feel like I will no longer be able to control it and it will take over me. And than I stop, and I breathe. I walk away from whatever I am doing. I go outside and close my eyes. I hear the leaves rustling on the branches of the trees. They whisper to me. They say "you are here. You, are here." I feel the wind, it gives me a gentle hug as it floats on by. I take a step, and feel the earth push back at me against my feet. I open my eyes, slowly, for if I open them too fast I may not be able to bare the beauty that is in front of my eyes. I am still lonely, that fact hasnt changed. But such lonliness like this is ok, because I now believe I exist.

I exist.

Made popular on: 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 10:44pm


Comments

 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 3:11am

I feel like since highdeas went to shit that you should just create your own website to post this kind of thing. I would definitely visit everyday if not more. I don't know..I feel like it won't be appreciated as much as it was in the past on this site, but maybe that is just me..Good work son.

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 3:15am
yoinkie Says:

your right it probably wont be appreciated as much, but thats fine with me. I write for myself, man. It makes me feel really, really good, it puts me at peace. I re-read my stuff when im high and it provides me with serenity. And theres still quite a few good peope that I know will read this and talk about it with me. I guess what im trying to say is, let them do them, im just gonna do me. and thanks man!

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 7:37am
MoLTReZ Says:

hey man if you really do that website tell us ( the people that really read your self ) cus i enjoy reading it. me and you share the same kind of thought. and sometimes you word them better then i can think them. so kept it up man.

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 7:26pm
peenackle Says:

I don't even think that you need a real website, even just a blog would be cool to read. I'd read it every day. Either way, if you want, there's always (www.blogspot.com). You give me hope Yoinkie, for HighDEAS, and just for life. I hope I get to meet someone like you some day.

I salute you, my friend.

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 7:48pm
yoinkie Says:

Thanks guys, but.. the day I turn my passion for writing into a career, is the day my passion for writing may die. I love writing, and I dont need money, so for now, im just gonna do this. Once I fulfill my current dreams and ambitions, I will probably sit down and write a book. But that day isnt today, and It probably wont be tommorow. So until that day comes, lets all just enjoy each others words and discuss our thoughts the way we are!

also, im pretty computer illeterate, I didnt even know you could create a website, I thought magical fairies came and did that for you!

 
 
Wed, 11/02/2011 - 5:44pm

http://www.clevrr.com I don't know much about this site but it seems similar to highdeas.

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 4:57am
lbass Says:

Beautiful, absolutely beautiful.

I feel lonely, a lot. No matter how many times I hang with friends, how many dinners I have with my family, how many conversations I have with coworkers. At the end of the day it's just me and my mind, nonstop thinking, questioning, regretting, planning, imagining. Wondering if I'll ever be at peace. Then I'll look up at the sky and just stare...my only moment of clarity, the one time of forgetting everything and remembering nothing. A moments peace, until the reality that's been constructed drags me back into it's tragic grasp.

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 9:16pm
yoinkie Says:

you get it man. Its funny to think, while your spending so much time inside your own mind, if you look at anyone(even a stranger), that person is inside there mind just as much as you are inside yours. Wouldnt it be fun to take a journey through someones mind? And just tag along, hear there thoughts, see there dreams?

on a different note, any fellow insomniacs out there that know what im feeling in the first couple of paragraphs? I know I cant be the only one who has such a fight every single night..speak up!

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 11:18pm
SkylarL Says:

Dude, i have terrible insomnia. i know EXACTLY what you're talking about. that's the man reason i smoke, man. It helps so so much. Since i got caught a while back, I wasn't able to smoke for 4 and a half months and it was pure hell for me. i can finally smoke again, and let me tell you, that 9 hours of sleep i got last night meant the world and more to me.

but yeah, i know what you mean. you lay down in bed and try not to think too much because you know that's what keeps you up, but no matter what you do your mind wanders off and starts going crazy. my mind in particular jumps from one subject to a completely random and non-relevant subject quite frequently, so there's never any shortage of things to think about.
i do often times find myself thinking a bit too much though, especially about the past. and no matter how much i've gotten over the shit that's happened, somehow it still gets to me.
last week i stayed up for 3 nights because i couldn't stop thinking about how i've lost all hope in humanity.
don't get me wrong, my life has most definitely not been completely terrible.
i just feel like since i've experienced something truly wonderful and amazing, something (or maybe someone) that i could have lived with my entire life with, it's like i did heroin or some shit. no matter how hard i try i can't get that same feeling back, i can't achieve the same "high". those nights when i dwell in the past too much feels like i'm plagued with withdrawals. and i can't help but think when my next relapse will be

holy balls, that was probably too much. oh well, i'm too stoned to care, i'm just gonna post it

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 11:25pm
Driedmango Says:

I know exactly what you mean when you say it's like experiencing "heroin." It's like your constantly looking for that feeling again but it's just so damn hard to find. Eventually you get used to "sobriety" but that feeling never quite leaves you

 
 
Fri, 08/12/2011 - 10:14am

I've always wanted to spend some time with someone inside of their mind. With a girl, perhaps. And vice versa.

 
 
Fri, 08/12/2011 - 12:26pm
lol- Says:

haha the whole "stop thinking" technique doesn't work very well! i used to have alot of trouble sleeping before i smoked but now i just crash from the high.

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 7:48am
MoLTReZ Says:

i really liked this ... its crazy cus i bet this " scene " if you want to call it that happened in about 5 minutes in the real world but all these thoughts you had happens over hours on hours of thinking. i really like this picture you drew.

i agree with you about how this site has changed. i think a big group of us should just share our thoughts and see what we all think cus i feel like a few of us are on the same level but have different views on things.
some of the people i was thinking of :
Me
You
mr.hanksdiggity
ismoketheganga
ThatNiggaMarino
stonedphysicist
captainoftheday
CALL_ME_RICKY
SM0KEY
HighGuy11
Mr.Huckstable
etc ..

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 4:56pm
yoinkie Says:

good list of people, except Smokey, hes a dick! (cue smokey bareling in here, making fun of me and quoting movies along the way)

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 5:32pm
MoLTReZ Says:

i dont think hes a dick. i think hes pretty funny.
and ya well theirs others but i cant think of them right meow. i hope everyone of those guys gets to this this highDEA so we can hear what they say on the matter

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 6:09pm
yoinkie Says:

haha, I was just kidding. Smokey is cool, hes my Caucasian. "you my caucasian? you my caucasian!" -Larry David

 
 
Thu, 08/11/2011 - 5:09pm
 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 12:03pm
SMOKE2MUCH Says:

the recent highdeas i've read are shit compared to this keep it up

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 4:31pm
yoinkie Says:

haha, theres probably a good 7 highdeas in there combined into one.

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 5:30pm
MoLTReZ Says:

you read my alien life theory i hope thats one of the 7 haha

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 12:45pm

perception is reality...its your own perception. its your own reality

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 4:22pm
yoinkie Says:

agreed. You and I can stand here together and look at the same tree, and have 2 completely different views of it. what we feel, what we see physically, what we see mentally, is all different between us. Not only that, but me and you can be standing next to each other, and you can be looking at the stars at night, while I stare at a blank spot in the sky. To you, your perception is of the stars, which are billions of light years away. To me, my perception is of the emptiness of the night sky...and I sit here wondering, "what exactly am i looking at? This spot im staring at isnt empty, its just that my eyes can not percieve what is really there."

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 5:45pm
a7x_db7 Says:

Your writing is just soo spot on Yoinkie. We're meeting one day whether u like it or not :) [not trying to be creepy in any way lmao]
No but seriously, smoking with you would be an honor haha.
Have a good day sir!

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 6:17pm

Hey man very well written and it captures the biggest aspects of life in a few paragraphs; no small feat in my book. It is tough to not let these thoughts consume you, especially when you are down in the dumps a little. It is all too easy for me to say to myself, "you know what Zach, it is just you. Even though you have a girl and a family that loves you dearly, it is just you." No one can make me see a specific way or feel certain emotions, only I can allow myself to experience and change. It is pretty overpowering stuff to come to the understanding that I can do what I want, when I want, and for whatever reason I want. There is no one else but me who can make those decisions for me. It is a very selfish way of viewing life but all so true in the end.

It seems you do this and do this very well, but just stop for a second and take it all in. This very instant you are alive. In an infinite number of different situations, you could have died but here you are. This very second you are breathing in air, having thoughts, being conscious. It is a miracle in a way...Death is always knocking on our doorsteps, we just haven't opened the door to see who is there yet. Just knowing that I have at least one more second on this planet brings comfort that nothing else can.

Take it easy my friend, but I know that will happen regardless.

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 9:06pm

No matter where you go or what you do, you live your entire life within the confines of your head.  ~Terry Josephson.

Side note: what happened to Guide To Flying Redux Redux

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 9:15pm
yoinkie Says:

Ive kinda talked about dreams a lot lately in my highdeas. It seems like no matter what I talk about, I end up talking about sleep and dreams too, haha. But I have been thinking about this one big theory of mine, which MAY just be redux redux. Stay tuned.

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 9:26pm
CamBam. Says:

I feel like everything you say is pure gold. When is the last time you havent had something published!? I salute you.

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 9:37pm
yoinkie Says:

thanks guy. haha, its yet to happen, I think im 303-0 published rate, gigaty.

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 10:58pm
CamBam. Says:
 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 9:35pm
Excellcior Says:

Yoinkie..i'm pretty sure if you just posted Derp as a highdea it would get popular..just because your Yoinkie..pure golden. If you wrote a book it would be just perfect.

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 10:28pm
HighGuy11 Says:

dude... that's ignorant as fuck. how are you really gonna say that after reading this beautiful passage. yoinkie is popular because all his highdeas are mindblowing, original, funny, or an amazing story. why do you think everyone knows him anyway? it's because people know his writing is gold so they go back to read more

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 10:32pm
yoinkie Says:

It's all good my man, let it be. No hate in here, leave that for the rest of highdeas.

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 10:24pm

i feel it good job on a real highdea man

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 10:44pm

too sober to read it all, ill be back though...ill be back

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 10:49pm
cea.jay Says:

dude, where do you buy your weed from?
invu

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 11:10pm
sublivious Says:

You sir, are a modern day philosopher

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 11:13pm

Your highDEAs honestly never cease to amaze me, and this one right here is probably one of the best ones that you've ever written, at least to me. The first three paragraphs relate to me so much and the part about perception is absolutely beautiful and true. Keep up the good work man!

 
 
Wed, 08/10/2011 - 11:15pm

I love all of you <3 and i would visit that website for sure

 
 
Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:20am
 
 
Thu, 08/11/2011 - 9:51am
walshy420 Says:

haha the "dark passenger" part at the beginning make me think of that show Dexter

 
 
Thu, 08/11/2011 - 11:08am
igohard Says:

Damn this shit made my eyes water. why are we so much alike

 
 
Fri, 08/12/2011 - 10:10am

"You are here, you are here"

What a line. It speaks to me. It really does.

You really need to get around to writing a book, man. If you ever get the time, of course. I'm sure you're a busy dude. This is all speculation of course. But I'm just sayin', is all.

 
 
Fri, 08/12/2011 - 4:50pm
CHATEL Says:

the title made me think of the road less traveled by robert frost.

 
 
Tue, 08/16/2011 - 1:18am

Yoinkie man i really love your stuff, you really have a talent and the ability write some really beautiful emotions. and when i say that i really mean man like you can really take everything your feeling and throw it down onto this site and let people know who you really are. and thats such an amazing gift, to be able to share most deepest and complex, yet basic human function in a way to the world that makes us feel that we are all together in one existence. your literary prowess with emotion is something that makes me happy to be alive and who i am today, and to share everything you have with everyone here is the greater purpose in this world anyways, you just do it with a little pizzazz man, and you don't do it for the recognition or the upvote which it reality is the most important part of all of this. you do it because its part of you and i totally get that man. and for that reason its hats off to you good sir..sorry i ramble when im high :)

 
 
Wed, 08/17/2011 - 9:53pm
Smithhy Says:

Fuck man, people like you are why I love this site. There's an awesome connectivity you feel when you read someone's thoughts and immediately think "me too".

 
 
Thu, 08/18/2011 - 2:09am
slim_8624 Says:

that was THA SHIT!

its weird too because i have mild insomnia and i find myself not able to clear my mind when i am trying to sleep so that no matter how tired i am, i just cant drift off.

you should write a book or somethin

 
 
Sat, 09/03/2011 - 4:41pm
bonbonjoe Says:

I feel very content when I'm alone, because it makes me feel at lot closer to the universe, and I'm more aware of my surroundings I guess.

 
 
Fri, 11/15/2013 - 1:14am
wamble Says:

Consider changing your understanding entirely, this video I found years ago really brings it to your face!

How to be Alone! >> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs

Can you dig it?