I get high so that I can eat. I have an eating disorder, and I'm trying to recover. When I'm sober I can hardly manage to force myself to eat 500 calories in a day. But when I'm high I can usually manage 1,000-1,300. Not only can I physically manage to eat that much, I don't have panic attacks about eating so much when I'm high. I've been out of weed for about a week and I've lost several pounds that I really can't afford to lose. I've been lightheaded for most of the week, and my stomach hurts. I've stood in my kitchen crying more times this week than I want to admit. Not because I couldn't get high, but because I couldn't eat anything we had in there because there were too many god damn calories, or I couldn't make myself feel hungry, or because I've taught myself to hate food.

And this is illegal? I'm just doing what I've gotta do to provide my body with what it needs to survive. Why is the government trying to take that away from me?

I don't care if this gets popular, I just really needed to get it out there.

Made popular on: 
Sun, 12/04/2011 - 3:35pm


Comments

 
Mon, 05/16/2011 - 4:01pm
noaah Says:

That sucks man, I feel bad, this bongs for you!

 
 
Mon, 05/16/2011 - 4:04pm
Venatrix Says:

Thanks, dude. I'll get through it, I'm sure, but it can be tough.

 
 
Sun, 12/04/2011 - 5:32pm
 
 
Sun, 12/04/2011 - 5:51pm

I can relate and appreciate this, but I'm a firm believer in the idea that most disorders and diseases and cause/amplified by our minds. If you think you're sick, you're body will become sick. But the one line in there "i couldn't eat anything because they had too many calories." for lack of a better term, pissed me right off. I grew up with little to no food because my parents(i love my parents, don't get me wrong) were alcoholics and spent the better part of their paychecks on beer and cigarettes. So when i read that all i can imagine is a girl in front of a cupboard full of food and still being hungry. I'm not trying to be an asshole but i would of killed someone and thier uncle for that as a kid. Now i can't eat more than one meal a day because my body just can't handle it. So please, appreciate what you have, not everyone has luxuries.

 
 
Mon, 12/05/2011 - 12:07am
Venatrix Says:

I respect what you're saying and I'm incredibly sorry you had to go through that but eating disorders are a serious thing and I'm really bothered by the way you belittle them. Eating disorders are both a physical and a psychological disorder, so of course they are at least partially caused/amplified by our minds. But that doesn't mean a person who has an eating disorder is in control of it. You would have killed someone to have a cupboard full of food available to you as a kid--okay. I'm truly sorry you didn't have that luxury. But I didn't have that either. (I'm doing a bit better now--this highdea is almost 7 months old.) There was a cupboard full of food, but it wasn't available to me. I don't think it's something you can understand unless you've had an eating disorder. And I can't really understand your situation, either.

 
 
Tue, 12/06/2011 - 4:39am
Shillelugh Says:

Your situation has nothing to do with an eating disorder. Eating disorders don't happen because people take their luxuries for granted. A lot of times they happen because of trauma and you don't know what the poster has been through in their life.

Your idea that diseases and disorders are caused by people thinking they're sick is ridiculous. I have a rare genetic disorder and I have depression because I've been through life and I have chronic pain. None of these things are being caused by me thinking I'm sick. I can tell you that those of us who are suffering with these things want nothing more than to be well and able bodied again. Your mentality is why people like me can't get adequate health care and pain relief.

 
 
Sat, 11/09/2013 - 6:46pm
alltherage Says:
 
 
Mon, 05/16/2011 - 4:11pm

I read this and I almost cried because I can totally identify with you. Weed has done the same for me. I had no hope before, I had been struggling with recovery with little to no success, feeling panicked all the time when trying to gain weight, and then I started smoking and all of a sudden I could eat and not worry, and I put on some weight that I need to survive. It's truly amazing. Stay strong, we're in this together.

 
 
Tue, 05/17/2011 - 1:08am
Venatrix Says:

I'm really glad to see I'm not alone in this. (Not that I'm glad you had to go through that....) This comment means a lot to me, it really does. I'm tired of blacking out when I stand up because not eating has lowered my blood pressure and blood sugar. I'm tired of being tired all of the time because my body doesn't have enough fuel. I'm tired of all the shit that comes with this, but there's a big part of my brain that just isn't on the same page with my body. And weed helps quiet that part.

 
 
Wed, 05/18/2011 - 4:18pm
chronic_c Says:

i hear ya. i use to be addicted to pain pills and i never ate when they were in my system so i got in the habbit of not eating even when i stopped the pills. so i blow mary jane to maintain my weight. ill be here for ya. this bowl is for you

 
 
Wed, 05/18/2011 - 11:28pm
Venatrix Says:

Thanks, man. My friend's brother is addicted to pain pills--that's some crazy stuff.

 
 
Fri, 05/20/2011 - 6:04pm
chronic_c Says:
 
 
Wed, 05/18/2011 - 5:16pm
sparky280 Says:

That's a major bummer! I somewhat know what it's like though. I'm about 20 lbs under weight and I also lose a lot of weight when I go through a dry spell. You should go to a psychologist to be referred for a green card for sure. It's their job to do what's best for a person's mental and physical health, so I can almost guarantee that you'll get it. Don't be afraid to go to others for support. I wish you the best of luck!

 
 
Wed, 05/18/2011 - 11:31pm
Venatrix Says:

Thanks. Believe me, if I lived in a state where medical marijuana was legal I'd be at a psychologist in a second. We had a non-binding referendum at the last election that passed by a landslide (more people voted on it than voted for the actual candidates, haha), but the people in charge of the Wisconsin government right now are definitely not about to do anything about it.

 
 
Thu, 11/24/2011 - 3:39am
WeedTeen Says:

This stuff needs to be shared more, i mean weed helps with alot of things. For me, i lost my dog, and after a bit of family drama, him and my mum were all i had, then he got real sick, he was my brother really, but he had to be put down, after that i started getting into fights at school, stealing shit and other shit, then my dealer mate shouted me a 150 bag, got stoned daily for a few months (of course buying off him). Now i've paid him back, got my shit sorted and smoke occasionally again. Weed helped me not go too far and get into some real trouble. Good luck to you and all other "criminals" commiting this victimless "crime".

 
 
Sun, 12/04/2011 - 4:57pm

i have to admit, i've had some similar feelings towards food before, especially when i was dieting
one thing that helped me get over it was understanding that if i exercise enough, it doesn't matter how many calories i eat
all you have to do is burn what you eat, you will not get fat if you do that
and the good news is that your body burns tons of calories, even when you're doing nothing!
"The website Health Weight Forum estimates that a person weighing 150 lbs. will burn about 61 calories an hour while asleep--or nearly 500 calories during a good night's rest."
so if you eat only 500 calories in a day, you could burn all of that off just by sleeping!
all you can do from this point on is learn to love your body, and do your best to continue making it healthier

i think the thing that really helped me get over my fear of food is becoming a health nut
i absolutely love healthy food, it's like eating vitamins
it may not taste the best but you know you're body will be healthier and stronger because of what you put in it
in fact, you will gain more 'healthy weight' if you eat healthy foods, because a healthy body is able to metabolize nutrients more effectively to build a stronger body
exercise is also a major reason i started eating more, i would push myself to work out hard so i could deserve a good meal afterwards
another thing to consider is drinking a lot of water, and eating small amounts of food several times a day
if you're not hungry, just grab a light healthy snack and munch on it for a while
eating food starts up your metabolism, so you actually burn more calories the more often you eat
so there's no need to worry about the 100 or 200 calorie snacks you might eat during the day
i think the only reason you fear calories is that you don't understand them well enough, educate yourself more on nutrition, and you could lose your fear completely ;)

anyways i really feel for you, and please message me if you'd like any more advice, i know how hard issues like this can be to deal with
it can bring you down in almost every aspect of your life, but once you start doing something about it, you will see a positive change in almost every aspect of your life ;)

"Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food"
-Hippocrates

 
 
Sun, 12/04/2011 - 5:00pm

Like, I'll send you weed if thats what it takes to keep you alive. seriously.

 
 
Sun, 12/04/2011 - 5:05pm
PattiWiles Says:

dude! i have the exact same shit. it sucks balls but i found finding something you hella like, maybe fastfood, and live off of it, or buy weed cuz its cheeper

 
 
Sun, 12/04/2011 - 5:05pm

One of the most beautiful things in my opinion is people's ability to share each other's sadness. The care that another person can have a for a total stranger is one of the best qualities a person can possess. I don't pray but I'll be thinking positive thoughts about you and others who have commented. No matter how alone we feel in our struggles, we really never are.

 
 
Sun, 12/04/2011 - 5:21pm
YOLO Says:

THEN LETS GET YOU SOME MOTHERFUCKING WEED!!!

 
 
Sun, 12/04/2011 - 5:29pm

awww stay strong! YOU NEED WEED FOR FUCKING REAL. If i was there would it insure it to you. I know how hard it is to have an eating disorder! you are beautiful! (:

 
 
Sun, 12/04/2011 - 5:44pm
Treyaayyyy Says:

Maybe try eating. Its not that hard to stick delicious mcdonalds in your mouth and chew it...EAT!

 
 
Sun, 12/04/2011 - 6:02pm
Mr.Kite Says:

Damn I'm really sorry, that sucks. You should know though that while I know weed helps, you should look into talking to a doctor about this if you haven't already. It probably feels like they couldn't help but lots of people have had to deal with this same type of problem and have gotten over it once they ask for help, not just by self-medicating but by treating the source of the problem.

I don't know you or what you've gone through in your life and I don't pretend to, but please try and get help, you really do deserve it.

 
 
Sun, 12/04/2011 - 6:03pm

I wish I could send you weed over the intertubes! Beam it over, Scotty!

 
 
Sun, 12/04/2011 - 6:06pm
 
 
Sun, 12/04/2011 - 7:19pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QV3wWhWYABY&feature=channel_video_title

That video may be able to help you. Good luck!

 
 
Sun, 12/04/2011 - 9:20pm
ilhk Says:

i can totally relate. without maryjane i would never get better

 
 
Mon, 12/05/2011 - 12:10am
teeYo Says:

(i think)You are fuckin dumb. And i really don't write that to be mean or insult you, but I can't believe no body has listed the many and various wrongs in your posts. Weed releases dopamine, which is what is released when you eat and get that "feel good" sense after or during eating your favorite foods. When you smoke dopamine is released and you feel good and want to eat because of that, so that's why you feel that way. If your not strong minded enough to handle that and it causes a problem in your life than thats a reflection of your inabilities. Realize that you are in control of your body and food containing high calories is FOOD. I started out saying you were dumb because any body smart enough to handle themselves would take control of the situation, be grateful that you have food in your house and appreciate life. Not making yourself hate food, not eat good food when you have it, and obsess over stupid things like body image. Thats my two cents and I think you should strongly consider it. Peace and my apologies if you were hurt by that.

 
 
Tue, 12/06/2011 - 2:58pm
Venatrix Says:

Aside from the fact that you seem to have no understanding of eating disorders, I have a few things to say about this. First of all, I'm not insulted but I'm also far from dumb. I'm a highly intelligent person, although my intelligence has absolutely nothing to do with it. Second of all, my reaction to eating my favourite foods is actually mostly guilt, not feeling good. Also your logic doesn't follow in that section--I get dopamine when I eat, so when I get dopamine I want to eat? That doesn't make sense to me. I am certainly smart enough to handle myself, and you'll notice I did take control of the situation--I smoked weed at mealtimes so that I could increase my food intake and decrease the negative reactions my eating disorder caused.
That was the point of this highdea: weed has helped me cope with and move towards recovery from my eating disorder. And while body image did have something to do with the disorder, by the point I was at when I made this highdea it had become its own thing entirely. When I made this highdea, my big struggle was that I wanted to stop losing weight but the disorder wouldn't let me choose keeping the body I liked (I repeat: I didn't want to get thinner at all, I liked my body where I was) over starving. With the help of weed, I have improved my control over it, although I am still not completely recovered. So (sincerely) thank you for your input, I gave it strong consideration, but better luck next time.

 
 
Mon, 12/05/2011 - 12:18am
 
 
Mon, 12/05/2011 - 8:11pm
jamieann Says:

You should tell a doctor. I know someone who was perscribed THC pills (Not the same as smoking. I know) Because she didn't weight enough and never ate. Maybe you could be as lucky. But this needs to get out there. People need to know that weed being illegal makes people getting help with things like this hard to do.

 
 
Mon, 12/19/2011 - 3:03am
Mrcrap Says:

This is just one of many reasons why I truly love and believe in marijuana. Keep up the good work sister.