This story is a tribute to my favorite short story ever written. It was a story that left me in awe and bewilderment for weeks after I read it. I wont tell you the name of it yet, because it would give away the surprise waiting for you at the end. This is not me copying that particular short story, merely adapting it into my own little piece of work..in a way you could almost say its a continuation of the story(a sequal). There are no metaphors or deep thinking involved in this one, just the sick and twisted journey of a sick and twisted man. This looks very long, but its definetely one of the best stories ive ever written. ps. Not for the faint of heart. Enjoy!

Johnny Moses is a strange man. Many people try and break down the reasons that lead to a person becoming a loner; bad parenting, no parenting, only child, bullied at school, traumatic event in the past. But Johnny had none of those. He had very loving parents, 3 brothers and 2 sisters. He never got bullied at school because, well, barely anyone ever saw him at school. He always roamed alone. And he found out at a very early age that he was very good at it. He challenged himself; he would fallow people in the hallways and see how long he could fallow them without them knowing. It started off with him fallowing a person down a hallway, than ducking out at the end. But he never got caught. So he kept going. He would fallow them at lunch, watch them interact with people from a distance, fallow them to lunch, and then fallow them home. This became more than just a thrill for Johnny, it became a passion that consumed every part of him. I cant really tell you what he got out of this. Like I said, Johnny Moses is a very strange man.

Johnny Moses is an adult now. Hes working a 9-5 office job, in a town thats buttfuck in the middle of nowhere. Office job, the perfect job for a character like Johnny. He barely had to talk to anyone throughout the work day. Johnny despised people. He hated how fake everyone was, and how scripted their conversations were. "no one gives a fuck about your kids, how you got a better mortgage rate, what your ugly ass wife is doing, or how good your golf swing has gotten." But when people did talk to Johnny, he was faker than them all. And he was very good at it. He had to be quick on his feet, and good with human interaction, because of his passion.

Johnny Moses is an adult now. He no longer fallows people through highschool hallways, or observe them while in the cafeteria. It was much more than that now. It was much more intricate, precise, and with a strict guidlines which he always adhered to. Never fallow anyone over 55; they are boring. Never fallow more than 1 person, its always too hard to decide who to go after when they split. Never fallow any shady looking characters; dont want to end up being the witness to a murder or a crackdeal. There was nothing sexual about what Johnny did. He rarely fallowed women, and even if he did, he chose them for their story, not for their looks. Johnny had gotten good at what he loved. Really REALLY good. His record for fallowing and observing someone? 16 days. He rarely ever got caught anymore, and even if he did, he was quick on his feet and got out of trouble just as quick as he got into it. No criminal record, no known enemies; just a man doing what he loves to do. Like I said, Johnny Moses, is a very strange man.

Today was a very exciting day for Johnny Moses. Today was the day to pick a new target. Johnny had a very strict code of guidelines when picking a person, but he almost always went by his gut reaction. He went to the super market for his selection process today. "which one of these people has the best story to tell" he thought to himself. A women, late 40's, shopping cart filled with meat by products, pet supplies, and other household goods. "Housewife, no doubt. Not today, too dull". A teenager, looks to be about 19, shopping cart full of Coke, pizza pockets, and beer. "Not bad. House party, 19 year olds. But, not really feeling the house party at this moment." Than he saw a man, mid to late 40's, shopping cart full of party decorations, and BBQ food. Interesting. He fallowed him to the checkout lane, Johnny needed a little more information on this man before he could make his decision. He overheard a friendly conversation between the man and the cashier. He also heard the words "preparing for a big festival tonight..where can I find outdoor lighting...". Outdoor festival, these words excited Johhny. He loved festivals, they were ever so perfect for fallowing. He could get very close to his targets in festivals, almost touch them, listen to there every word, and never get caught. This is the guy.

The journey started off pretty slow. He named the man Dunbar. Johnny always named his targets, and he named every his targets interacted with. He made backstories, side stories, work history, everything. He created a world for them, inside his mind. Dunbar went to the liqor store, picked up 8 bottles of whiskey. He went to the home Depot, picked up the outdoor lighting he had previously been talking about. He would occasionally talk to people, some he knew, some he was just being friendly with. This dunbar character was well known in this community, and very well loved. A couple times during the day, people would come up to him and tell him how excited they were for tonight, and how they couldnt believe its already been a year since last year's festival. Many people also asked him if his son would finally be at this year's festival. Aparently Dunbar had a son named billy ray, left his house when he was 14 years old and never returned. To Johnny, it sounded like he ran away from home. He also picked up that no one had heard from or seen Billy ray in 17 years. "must be hard having a son that you have what he looks like anymore, a full grown adult." Thought Johnny. Everything was going ever so great. Dunbar was definetely a great choice for a target, interesting stories surrounded this loving, caring, gentle man. Johnny felt at ease fallowing him, so much so that he started letting his guard down and just enjoying the story he was watching a little bit too much.

Dunbar got in his car and started driving on the road that led out of town. Looks like its finally time for the festival, thought Johnny. He was getting so excited, he could barely contain himself. After driving for some time, they got to the entrange of what looked like an oversized barn. Huge, with dozens of cars lining up to go inside and even more people walking about. This was the place. Johnny parked his car a few hundred feet away from the entrance. He decided it was best to walk inside. Now, usually, Johnny would scope a place out before going inside anywhere. He always needed to know that what he was entering was safe. But this was a barn, with families and children running about, playing tag and whatnot. And he was fallowing Dunbar, the nicest man in town. Johnny opted to forgo his standard guidelines, and made his way towards the entrance. He got to the front of the line pretty quickly, but was a little setback when there seemed to be a security person at the door asking for people's names. Very strange, thought Johnny, but not unmanigable. "name?" Asked the Security personal. "John Mayor" Said Johnny. "sorry, but your not on the list. Im going to have to ask you to step aside and we are going to go have a talk with the head of security." Said the security guard. Oh no, no no no, thought Johnny. He had his wallet on him, his ID, everything. He would be booked, probably get a record for trasspassing, or something. He couldnt let that happen. He needed to get out of this. He needed to make up something, get inside this place, and than sneak out of here and never look back. This wasnt how it was suppose to happen. "im sorry sir, but my real name is Billy Ray. Im ____'s son. Im sorry I told you the wrong name, its just that I havent seen him in 17 years, and I wanted to surprise him. Please dont tell him im here, its a surprise!" Said Johnny, always quick on his feet. The guard smiled and let him in. Perfect. The guard wouldnt tell Dunbar, and Johnny would sneak out the back entrance before anyone would even notice he was here.

Johnny blend into the huge crowd, trying to look as unconspicous as he could while making his way towards the rear entrance. "too bad I cant stay here longer" thought Johnny. This place was bursting with families, and children, and stories. He couldnt risk it, not even for a second. He was half way through the barn, when suddenly someone grabbed him by his shoulder. Dunbar. FUCK. FUCK. "I..." Dunbar managed to squeeze out. Johnny thought about running. "I..Cant believe its you. I knew it. I always knew you would come back! I just knew it!" Said Dunbar, his face elated with Joy. This disturbed Johnny, but atleast he knew he wasnt in trouble. Change of plans. Make friendly with pretend Daddy, say his to a couple people, ask to use the bathroom and get the fuck out of here.

Dunbar Took Johnny to many different people, introducing him, and retelling the story of how Billy Ray left his house suddenly many years ago. Johnny would smile along, make fake talk with everyone. Hug little children, bullshit with husbands, and compliment the wives. Johnny dispised these human interactions, but he had to do it. Until he could get a chance to sneak away to the bathroom. Just a few more moments, and he would make his escape. Finally, after what seemed like hours, He saw Dunbar leave towards the main stage, and immediately Johnny went for the Exit. He was almost there, when he heard the loud speakers turn from music, to the sound of Dunbar's voice. "Hello everyone, and welcome to this years festival! We are so glad all of you can join us once again, as we celebrate our 35th year of holding this festival. But this year, to me personally, is the best festival ever. Thats because my son is back! Billy Ray has come back home after 17 years". The crowd applauded. Johnny said Fuck. Dunbar went on, "Now, I know that we usually hold the lottery at the end of the festivities, but im just ever so excited, that I think we should just do it now? How would you like that Billy Ray! I knew as a child how badly you wanted to be selected, but you never did. Maybe this is your year, kid!" Johnny said Fuck. He hadnt heard anything about this lottery contest at all during the entire day he had been fallowing Dunbar. "it better not be some kind of win a dinner with Dunbar kinda deal" thought Johnny.

Johnny watched patiently from the crowd as Dunbar and other gentlement carefully went through the list, making sure every name was accounted for and everyones name was on its own piece of paper. They went through this process for well over 30 minutes, taking extreme care with everything they did. Johnny had never seen a group of people so obssesed with a stupid contest before. The crowd grew impatient with anticipation. The children were jumping and screaming, "Lottery! Lottery! Lottery!" while the adults drank there whiskey, smiled and sang folksongs. Johnny just stood and watched, as people came up to him and with smiles on their face said "Billy Ray! I hope you win!"

Johnny stood and watched as Dunbar called everyone to the main stage, it was time to make the drawing. Dunbar spun the container that held all the names inside it, telling jokes to the crowd in the process. People were no longer holding their excitement in, as almost everyone in the entire barn was jumping, hooting and hollering in anticipation. Johnny watched as Dunbar picked out a name out of the container. "damnit, he better not pick me" Thought Johnny, ever so non-chalently. Dunbar started to smile even before he spoke, "The winner of this years lottery is..LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BILLY RAY!!" The crowd erupted in applause, as the people standing directly around Johnny started giving him hugs and high five's. Fuck, thought Johnny. two of the larger gentlemen came and took Johnny by the arms, taking him towards the stage."shit, might as well get this over with." thought Johnny. Out of the corner of his eye, he started seeing the crowd going over to bins and taking things out, although he couldnt make out what it was they were taking out. "Im so happy for you son, you have no idea how happy I am you won the Lottery. You completely deserve it, you have always deserved it" Dunbar said to Johnny, with tears of joy flowing down his eyes.

They took Johnny up onto the stage, and one of the bigger gentlemen started tieing up Johnny's hands. "wait, what the fuck is this? Why are you tieing my hands" Johnny shouted, growing nervous as to what was going on. "Dont worry about it Billy Ray, just standard tradition, come on you remember how it goes!" Said Dunbar. Johnny tried to get out of the strings that tied his hands, but he couldnt. He looked around at the crowd, still hooting and hollering. He could now see what was in their hands, what they had been taking out of the bins. Every single person, Child, mother, grandfather, all had the same thing. Stones. "What...what the fuck is going on here? What the fuck are you all doing? Let me out, now. PLEASE." But his voice was drowned out by the crowd, which was getting closer and closer the Johnny. "Come on now, everyone!" Said Dunbar as he threw the first stone which hit Johnny square in the side of the head. "Please. Please, this isnt fair. this isnt right," Johnny screamed on last time, and then they were all upon him.

THE END.

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Mon, 07/11/2011 - 10:47am


Comments

 
Sat, 07/09/2011 - 5:03pm
yoinkie Says:

The Lottery by Shirley Jackson. If you have never read this masterful piece of work, and enjoyed my story, go ahead and read it now. I assure you, you will not be dissapointed.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed my adaptation of it. Leave a comment letting me know what you thought!

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 2:38am

I saw it coming as soon as I read they were having a lottery but I still couldn't stop reading

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 10:34am

so the winner of the lottery gets stoned? lol, sounds like a good deal to me :P

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 11:00am
High-Bye Says:

Dude, this story was awesome. I Just Read The Original A Few Months Back In Highschool, and I loved ur adaptation.

But, my question to you is: Do you mind If I send this to my last year's advanced english class teacher? (he loves stories and even adaptations of ones that he's already read. And If I know him well enough he's gonna want to implement this one into the couriculum) (i'm not sure if that last word was written correctly, so yeah)

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 6:56pm
yoinkie Says:

go ahead man, just let me know what he thinks about it and stuff

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 2:01pm
LovinLopez Says:

I kinda thought this story related to Jesus. He claimed to be this guy's son, gets tied up and dies for it. Jesus didn't follow people but he had followers. Idk that's just what I saw but I'm not even Christian.

 
 
Tue, 08/09/2011 - 2:54am
 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 3:50pm

damn i aint heard about that since freshman year damn good reading wen ur stoned

 
 
Sat, 07/09/2011 - 6:51pm
aaron.28 Says:

Very nice Yoinkie you never disappoint!

 
 
Sat, 07/09/2011 - 7:01pm
yoinkie Says:

be honest guys..show of hands, who actually started liking Johny and felt so bad for him at his untimly end?

 
 
Sat, 07/09/2011 - 9:39pm

Wicked twist haha but I can't say I liked him that much man. Two different types of people caught up in their unique social games, great story though.

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 10:16am

I honestly started to like him from the beginning I mean who the shit likes all the fake people you see everyday living for nothing. Just doing the same routine everyday because they are so blind to the bullshit of the masses.

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 6:57pm
yoinkie Says:
 
 
Wed, 07/13/2011 - 1:18pm
Spanki Says:

yeah i liked him all the way through as well ... as creepy as what he was doing was.. it all seemed so innocent.

 
 
Tue, 08/09/2011 - 2:58am

I found him kind of fascinating
and his hobby makes sense
it's just a physical manifestation of what majority of the population does for entertainment
we watch movies, read books, listen to songs that follow other people throughout their lives
and I get it, sometimes being in your own head is exhausting and you just wanna get out and see what it's like somewhere else for a bit.

 
 
Sat, 07/09/2011 - 8:34pm
Yeahh Says:

Its almost like The Shawshank Redemption in the way that we grow to like the people who have done and are doing the wrong thing. Very well written Yoinkie

 
 
Sat, 07/09/2011 - 9:40pm

I felt bad for him.. The guy obviously had a weird habit but not weird enough to be stone :( Poor fella

 
 
Sun, 07/10/2011 - 12:12am
yoinkie Says:

Isn't that what makes the story so great tho? He had probably 5 choices he could have made different that would have saved him, but he always chose wrong. The way he got there was my favorite part of it all.

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 10:21am
MarcOhbama Says:

Up until the end i thought he was making all the right choices.

 
 
Sun, 07/10/2011 - 12:01am

never pictured johnny as the type to get stoned ;)
did you ever understand what was going on?
my guess was some kind of cult

 
 
Sun, 07/10/2011 - 12:04am
yoinkie Says:

I have many theories but I'm not gonna say for a while!

 
 
Sun, 07/10/2011 - 9:13pm

are you going to continue the story some other time? id love to hear more.

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 6:31am
ThaBraze Says:

There's really not much to carry on. They threw rocks at Johny and murdered him.

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 8:47am

In the original it's a sacrifice done every year before the fall to ensure a bountiful harvest. Each of the townspeople know what will happen to the so-called "winner", but I like your rendition because we are on the outside as to what's going on, like Johnny. The original is good, but this is a nice twist.

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 10:49am
yoinkie Says:

Thanks man. Shirley Jackson spent a lot of time in her story building up the eeryness of it all, and how normal the town seemed. I on the other hand, wanted to build johnnys story Nd journey, and blindside him with this strange town and ending.

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 10:37am

im trying to figure out what happened too, maybe the town knew Johnny was a stalker and they were trying to kill him. Maybe Billy Ray the actual kid did something really wrong before he left and deserved to die?

 
 
Sun, 07/10/2011 - 5:07pm

Dude, I'm soglad I took the time for this. It was Bad ass. Yoinkie I think it's safe to say you're a BAMF!

 
 
Sun, 07/10/2011 - 6:13pm

Wow. Good story, didn't see that one coming. No sympathy from me, though. Johnny needed to mind his own business.

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 1:08am

i have so many questions. among them: johnny seems like a sociopath, right? but he seems to have morals. do sociopaths have morals? why was everyone excited to stone a man to death? did they know he was an imposter? if they didn't, and they all believed that johnny was billy ray, then why did they willingly murder/sacrifice him on then night of his return? why would the father allow his son to be murdered/sacrificed after not seeing him for 17 years? is it religion? cult? where is the son really? if johnny hadn't won the lottery, would he have stoned whomever had?

out of the park again, yoinkie. i'm reading the original asap!

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 5:43am
ThaBraze Says:

Better yet, why did Billy Ray always wanted to be stoned to death as a kid?

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 10:41am
yoinkie Says:

He never wanted to be stoned as a kid, his dad is just batshit crazy, creating stories in his mind of what he wants to hear. Hence probably the reason billy ray ran away.

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 11:08am
ThaBraze Says:

Oh. You didn't really specify that. But at the same time, his dad is batshit crazy so I should have guessed that.

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 7:01pm
yoinkie Says:

come on sam, you dont really want me to answer those questions for you, do you? It would ruin the mystic of the story! but, if you really want to know, just send me a message and ill explain it to you.

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 1:40am

yoinkie such a genius never disapointing

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 1:53am

Dude yoinkie, you have a gift for writing, you should totally persue it. You have a way of expressing your ideas and telling stories that is so intriguing and captivating, it just shouldn't go to waste. Idk what you wanna do/are doing with your life, but I'd definately look into it

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 2:19am
 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 7:04pm
yoinkie Says:

thank you dear, thats really sweet of you to say! Ive kinda half ass looked into it, but I wouldnt know where to begin. Writing books, if a field where you need to know someone to even have a chance at getting yourself out there. I dont know anyone, hence I probably wont get anywhere. It does seem like kind of a waste posting them on here, while there are a lot of you that actually enjoy my stuff, most people dont even bother reading them. Kind of sad, I would like to take my writing somewhere where more people can enjoy them and give me feedback.

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 5:25am
HighPrime Says:

I almost didn't read it for the no moral or deep thinking. But Im glad i did. I don't know why but you make me want to read

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 9:08am
dimon114 Says:

...dam I thought johny was gonna turn into a serial killer....and how is a barn anywhere close to a city?? as for feeling for the charachter, youre supposed to demonstrate how he interacts/what choices he makes, not explain the way he interacts/makes desicions.

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 10:38am
yoinkie Says:

You sound like many of my English teachers. I don't agree at all, I'm not "supposed" to do anything. My story, my choice of writing style. The end.

 
 
Wed, 07/13/2011 - 1:24pm
dimon114 Says:

so sensitive....but it's not about style, it's about how the reader's mind works.

 
 
Wed, 07/13/2011 - 3:55pm
yoinkie Says:

no, not sensitive at all, just stating facts. Your logic of "show how the character interacts" is absolutely absurd. The main character's personality is suppose to be that of a complete loner, yet your saying to make him sympathetic to readers, show how he interacts with people. That doesnt even begin to make any sense. Also, I know pretty well how a readers mind works. But thanks for your input.

 
 
Thu, 07/14/2011 - 6:46pm
dimon114 Says:

Wow, how an ego grows.....its writing 102, not my theory dipshit

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 10:17am
bubs-bunny Says:
 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 10:44am

This is a great story, although i felt it lack meaning, because im in a pretty melancholy mood, so searching my brain for answers, I think, just my view, i think that its symbolism for literally askin for trouble. Johnny liked to follow people, stalking is always askin for trouble, young Billy Ray had always wanted to win the lottery and get stoned, trouble. Johnny consciously combines the two characters temporarily to get into the party, asking for more trouble, asking to get himself hurt. His new Billy Ray side had always wanted to win the lottery, the prize of getting stoned. So while he is always askin for trouble he finally gets his just desserts, saying that in this modern world, nothing goes unpunished, follow the rules, go with the system, or get yourself killed. Almost like Big Brother is always watching and punish you when you break his rules. Is that really what the world is coming too?
My brain hurts.
Good story, by the way

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 11:21am
LizBiz Says:

I've read The Lottery before years ago and it blew my mind.. And then I completely forgot about it until I read this. Good job man. Your take on it is great.

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 11:22am
im-high34 Says:

I read The Lottery in eigth grade and i absolutely loved it and
your version of it is amazing. It just has a whole new twist its awesome haha

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 1:19pm
loobuck Says:

ohhhh shit i read this in 7th grade! but this one was a lot better because it built up a story around the main character. forgive me if im wrong but i dont remember the other one doing that. also yoinke i feel like a dick for pointing this out because this is truly a great highdea, but follow is spelled with an o not an a.

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 7:08pm
Locifer Says:

heh... vote #69... anyways, i understand this guy. rejected from society, ostracized, outcast, unseen... reminds me of someone i know. his distaste for the masses is heavily due to their blinded incompetence and loathsome selfworth, i mean, who isnt put off by the illeterate degenerates who parade themselves as olympian gods and goddesses while in actuality they are the crab bottom feeders of our day and age, wallowing in their own stink? excuse the rant, but i do see how he can be mystified by the true lives these people live. i find myself often making stories for the random passerby but i've never had the gravitas to actually follow them around, mostly for fear that they'll fuck up my internal shakespearean narrative of they're otherwise drab and incomprehensible lives. he's a character, one of misfortune, and of curiosity to those who cant see through the looking glass for the reality that life is. maybe they believe the fairy tales of olde, or maybe jaded bastards like myself really have missed it, but i seriously doubt it when 16 & pregnant is a hit show. he's doing the same thing any reality tv lover does, follow a stranger and look into their inner sanctum, but he's a creep, only because he doesnt delude himself into thinking its okay because if its through a tv, its fine. we all make mistakes, his just got him stoned.

 
 
Mon, 07/11/2011 - 7:27pm
yoinkie Says:

well said man, I agree with almost everything you said. Johnny's character is much like myself too, he is just the extremes of everything. Like you, I often people watch and wonder what they are doing, where they are coming from, and where they are going. I dont follow people, but in my mind I often create stories of what these people do after they leave my eyesight. His hatred of the fakeness of people is also an extension of my own personality. I wouldnt say I hate people like Johnny does, but everything Johnny talked about is very much true. It erks me the wrong way of how fake society has turned into, and accepted it is to bullshit throughout the day. Ive gotten pretty tired of fake conversations, and I myself, like Johnny, have become an expert in telling people what they want to hear. Its a sad state of affairs we live in. Johnny isnt as evil as many might think. He is just the extremes of what many people are and act like. All in all, his fate wasnt deserved, but oh well, haha