And goes to Heaven. God says to him, "You have lived a peaceful, fulfilling life. You may pick one thing from Earth that you love, and have it for 100 years." Of course, his answer is marijuana. God brings him to a room which is filled with the tallest, thickest, dankest weed growing on for acres. The sweet smell from the purest plants fills this enormous room. There were crystals growing on some buds which grew 15 feet high, just begging to be harvested. The quality of the bud would put the Cannabis Cup winners to shame, in all categories. On a shelf were bongs, double chambered bubblers, chillums, steamrollers, vaporizors and every other pipe you can imagine, along with piles of every flavor of blunt wrap. It was beyond belief. God shuts the door, locking him in for 100 years. When those years pass, God comes back to unlock the door. He finds the man laying on the floor sobbing. "Whats wrong??" God says.
"You forgot to give me a lighter."

Made popular on: 
Sat, 11/08/2014 - 2:34pm


Thu, 07/26/2012 - 5:16pm
AR.Toasty Says:
Thu, 10/16/2014 - 2:32am
Ctodenbach Says:

Within the first day or two of that 100 years I would find a way to consume, smoke, or injest that bud, sensibly.

Fri, 11/14/2014 - 12:36am

but wait, isnt heaven in the sky? that way ill just use my glasses to magnify the suns heat into one point creating a high intensity beam of heat creating fire.

Fri, 11/14/2014 - 3:23pm
Thu, 07/26/2012 - 5:24pm
ToastManDu Says:
Thu, 07/26/2012 - 8:32pm
Tue, 02/05/2013 - 11:52pm
Wed, 10/01/2014 - 12:52pm
SensAmelia Says:
Wed, 10/01/2014 - 12:52pm
SensAmelia Says:
Wed, 10/01/2014 - 12:53pm
SensAmelia Says:
Fri, 02/13/2015 - 7:18pm
vulgar Says:

so is everyone else, whats your point?

Sat, 11/01/2014 - 9:16pm

this story physically made me ill. oh my laaawwwwwd.

Sun, 11/02/2014 - 6:42pm

Haha, it's like the hell from Supernatural, just a long line that doesn't actually lead anywhere. :P

Tue, 11/04/2014 - 8:08pm

Just sayin... after like 3 days I would probably just start eating it.

Thu, 11/06/2014 - 9:58am
ebeninami Says:

if he could not find a way to smoke that shit in the room, he is not a true stoner. A true stoner would invent something.

Fri, 11/07/2014 - 7:44pm
Skillet91 Says:

It still hurts though, damn it. *Cries*

Sat, 11/08/2014 - 12:25am
Wed, 12/10/2014 - 1:08am
Cathirus Says:
Sun, 11/09/2014 - 12:59pm
Sun, 11/09/2014 - 10:43pm
Pyrokinder Says:

I don't get the problem... there are vaporizers.

Mon, 11/10/2014 - 7:18am
.Theo Says:
Mon, 11/10/2014 - 4:15pm
shayfranks Says:

I had to make sure I had my lighter after reading this

Mon, 11/10/2014 - 9:08pm
nowison902 Says:

loading a bowl

Tue, 11/11/2014 - 3:00pm
bakayurei Says:

i've heard this same joke but in a different setting, it's in hell and a glutton, an alcoholic, and a stoner are locked in rooms filled with the thing they love so they'll grow sick of it and it'll become a horrible punishment, they'll grow to hate the thing they loved in life.. after a thousand years (shall we say) the devil lets the glutton out and he's this great lard ball, hurts him to breathe and all the rest of it, he'd learnt his lesson.. the alcoholic's let out and he's totally jaundiced, his liver's dead and rotting, bits of him are falling out of his arsehole, and he can't take a sip of anything any more without vomiting violently, he'd learnt his lesson.. the devil goes to see the stoner and he finds him smacking various things together trying to get a spark going, the stoner notices the devil's come to see him, he says great, satan, am i glad to see you, have you got a light?

also like others have said i'd have eaten it.. or i'd probably have meditated on God's mysterious reasons for leaving me like that haha and then i'd have tried to get high somehow.. in 100 years i'd have thought of something, make hash and eat it, just munch my way thru it, i'd leave it under whatever the sun is in heaven and it'd eventually become dry enough to spontaneously combust, maybe.. there'd be a way.. but we're ruining the joke aren't we haha

Tue, 11/11/2014 - 3:45pm
JosepHH Says:

Check out this, when you're high!

Tue, 11/11/2014 - 11:33pm
Wed, 11/12/2014 - 5:02am
Thu, 11/13/2014 - 12:21am

I prefer not to waste my time on mythical beliefs...

Thu, 11/13/2014 - 8:31pm
Sun, 11/16/2014 - 10:29pm
Tue, 11/18/2014 - 4:39pm
Wed, 11/19/2014 - 9:33pm

he couldve got creative or made food or tea with it...

Wed, 11/26/2014 - 4:08am
Lalalolove Says:

When I got to the end i (unknowingly) put my hand to my mouth :o I was like feeling his pain haha

Sorry I'm high

Tue, 12/02/2014 - 7:08pm
Mon, 12/08/2014 - 3:49am
Tue, 12/16/2014 - 12:51am

What if the life you live now is what you've always wanted in your past life? Like I value my love for things, & what if I was someone whom never experienced love in my past life? Words.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:42pm

Get some of the leaves. Add the biggest stem under it grab another stick of a decent side and have at it! I'd rather die in a fire of the dankest bud known to man than live in a sea of deceit!

Fri, 02/20/2015 - 5:13pm

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Can you kill yourself in heaven?

Tue, 10/13/2015 - 9:21am
helen15 Says:

Cannabis Oil Cures Cancer, Severe Pains,Disorder,Seizure and Many More...

I am Helen 40 years old from Florida, U.S. I was diagnosed in 2009 after blacking out at work - and was given a transplant in November that year. I was given the all-clear but the disease came back in late 2012 - attacking the new organ I had been given. Desperate to survive, he began to look online and found *(E-mail:* his Skype is: medical.cannabis* from who i got good cannabis Oil which cured my cancer. "It's suppose to be legal everywhere, people die everyday". Let's join hands and heal the World.


Thu, 10/29/2015 - 2:59am
htaran Says:

You would have to be really stupid to be in there for a hundred years and not figure out how to get high from that shit. Heck even if you just ate them after a while you would probably get high. You would have to eat a lot of weed but shit you cant die in heaven. Or you could just rub stems together until you had a fire(you don't get physically tired in heaven) then either smoke the weed by inhaling fumes or start a massive fire at the door and get higher than you have ever been while simultaneously rebelling against god for screwing you over.

Sat, 02/27/2016 - 12:48am