By Dana Larsen

GREEN BUDS AND HASH

Would you like green buds and hash?
- No I would not, Mister Stash!

Would you like them in a bong?
Would you like them all day long?

- No I would not in a bong!
- No I would not all day long!
- I do not like green buds and hash.
- I do not want them Mister Stash!

Would you like them wrapped in paper?
Will you try them now or later?

- I do not want them wrapped in paper.
- I don't want them now or later.
- I don't want them in a bong,
- I do not want them all day long.
- I do not like green buds and hash,
- I do not want them Mister Stash!

Would you like them in a joint?
- No I would not, what's the point?

Perhaps you would prefer a puff?
Just have one, that is enough.

- I won't partake, not of a puff,
- Nor a hoot, nor hit, nor huff!

Would you try a tiny toke?
- No I don't want any smoke!

What if they were vaporized?
- I've told you no a thousand times!

Would you, could you, in a cake?
Or in cookies I can bake?

- I do not want them in a cake,
- Or in cookies you could bake.
- I do not want them vaporized,
- Or other means you have devised.
- I do not wish to try a toke,
- Or otherwise inhale smoke.
- I won't participate in puffs,
- You have asked me quite enough!
- I get no joy from juicy joints,
- I really do not see the point.
- I do not want to use the bong,
- I think that buds and hash are wrong.

In a tincture would you take it?
I could show you how to make it.

- I do not want them in a tincture
- Or in any other mixture!
- I do not want green buds and hash,
- I do not want them Mister Stash!
- Why do you care if I try them?
- Will you profit if I buy them?

I offer buds and hash for free,
There is no benefit to me.
Someone said that that you were sick,
green buds and hash might do the trick.
If you find you're getting thinner,
With no appetite for dinner,
Or you suffer from sclerosis,
Epilepsy or neuroses,
For almost all the ills that ail ya,
buds and hash will never fail ya.
Have glaucoma? PMS?
Green buds and hash have much success.
For protection against strokes,
Its best to have some potent tokes.
If your muscles are not dandy,
Try some green bud infused candy.
For migraines, spasms, even cancer,
Green buds and hash provide the answer.
If you are not feeling right,
Then have green buds and hash tonight.

- It's true I am not feeling great,
- My health's been rather poor of late.
- My doctor says that I have ills,
- He told me I should take these pills.
- I cannot even sleep at night,
- I never do feel quite alright.
- I will try green buds and hash,
- I will try them Mister Stash!

Pffffffffffffff​t!​

- Hey now I am feeling good!
- They worked just like you said they would.
- I have never felt this fine!
- Green buds and hash are quite divine!
- I will bake a green bud brownie,
- Whenever I am feeling frowny.
- I will try them vaporized,
- That technique seems very wise.
- I will take them in a tincture,
- And in every other mixture.
- Perhaps I would prefer to puff,
- And stop when I have had enough.
- I will roll some massive joints,
- And smoke them down to little points.
- I will toke upon the bong,
- I will do it all day long.
- I really like green buds and hash,
- I do enjoy them Mister Stash!
- Thanks for being so insistent
- And for being so persistent.
- My mind and body are improved,
- My spirit also has been moved.
- Though I was told they are a sin,
- Green buds and hash are medicine.
- I'm sorry that I was so hateful,
- Now I know I should be grateful!
- Thank you, thank you, Mister Stash,
- Thank you for green buds and hash!

Made popular on: 
Mon, 11/02/2009 - 6:25pm


Comments

 
Wed, 10/20/2010 - 10:30pm
duffs1250 Says:
 
 
Thu, 10/21/2010 - 11:25pm
baddfishh Says:

A little excessive .. ? The comments not the story.

Mary Jane invades my brain, now I can't complain.

 
 
Thu, 10/21/2010 - 11:29pm
wesrat Says:

i just tried to post this as my status on face book and i thought i was tripping because it said maximum number of letters is 420

 
 
Sat, 10/23/2010 - 1:40pm
pussy Says:
 
 
Sat, 10/23/2010 - 9:25pm
 
 
Sun, 10/24/2010 - 1:23am
fuckitsme Says:

i would like to express my appreciation for your creativity and amazing rhyming abilities. i commend you and i might be in love with you a little bit (no im not that would be weird) but i am very impressing. i tip my hat to you ma'am.

 
 
Tue, 10/26/2010 - 11:38am
 
 
Wed, 10/27/2010 - 4:17am

i wish i could upvote this for the rest of my life

 
 
Wed, 10/27/2010 - 11:31pm
VictorGX_x Says:
 
 
Fri, 10/29/2010 - 4:16am
 
 
Sat, 10/30/2010 - 4:14pm
 
 
Thu, 11/04/2010 - 1:56am
 
 
Thu, 11/04/2010 - 2:47pm
chevans298 Says:
 
 
Sat, 11/06/2010 - 6:30pm

dude, this has me rhyming all day now.

 
 
Tue, 11/09/2010 - 8:28pm
btrizzle Says:

i seem to have obtained a full chubbed penis from reading this. thank you kind sir. or ma'am. im too high to scroll around and look.

 
 
Fri, 11/12/2010 - 1:58am
Sean Smith Says:

Yo, i just read this and well, you are my favorite person Ever right now. Super awesome

 
 
Fri, 11/12/2010 - 2:30pm
JoyRiDe Says:
 
 
Sat, 11/13/2010 - 1:05pm

dude thats like a whole story u could make a movie!!!

 
 
Wed, 11/17/2010 - 12:55am
.BreyBrey. Says:

Oh my god!! That was amazing!! Fuck dr. Suess!! He don't have shit on you bra!!!

 
 
Thu, 11/18/2010 - 11:05am
highdey Says:

this is the greatest thing ever..my children will read this for story time

 
 
Thu, 11/18/2010 - 5:13pm
 
 
Thu, 11/18/2010 - 10:52pm

Holy shit. I love you. You just made my NIGHT.

 
 
Sat, 11/20/2010 - 8:35am

I just got mind fucked by this incredibly fucking awesome remake of green eggs and ham...why did nobody ever think to about publishing this shit its a fucking masterpeice for stoners and lil stoners hahahahahaahahahahahah

 
 
Sat, 11/20/2010 - 10:04pm
RachO Says:
 
 
Sun, 11/21/2010 - 3:10am

I'm definitely going to print this out, laminate it, and leave at the smoke spot I go to daily - the smoke spot that is behind the house of Dr. Suess - the one with the statue of a Lorax. Thank you, sir, and be assured that credit will be given to you.

"Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, / That struts and frets his hour upon the stage, / And then is heard no more. It is a tale / Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, / Signifying nothing.

 
 
Tue, 11/23/2010 - 1:39pm
 
 
Wed, 11/24/2010 - 7:40pm
SnideBFuzz Says:

this brought a tear to my eye this was beautiful

~Piff Puppy, ROC CITY NY~~Peace Love And Ganja~ Love you Emmi~Boo <3

 
 
Thu, 11/25/2010 - 2:55am

Too hard to read high...but i perservered

 
 
Thu, 11/25/2010 - 9:15pm
 
 
Thu, 12/02/2010 - 4:44am

this is by far the greatest poem made.

 
 
Thu, 12/09/2010 - 4:23am
colbert231 Says:

Dude honestly if you have not made this into a Dr. Suess style book you need to call up some companies now. I promise you if I saw this book with illustrations and shit in a store I would buy it.

 
 
Fri, 12/10/2010 - 4:06pm
Burnlord Says:
 
 
Fri, 12/10/2010 - 9:20pm
hsmiff Says:

dude this should be like a book for teenagers a story book like they have for kids, go get it published!

 
 
Sun, 12/12/2010 - 12:44pm
776064 Says:

I can't even think straight right now. my mind is completely blown! that was ridiculously good.

 
 
Sun, 12/12/2010 - 10:31pm

j bo dude im too stoned to read all of this i quit

 
 
Sun, 12/12/2010 - 10:35pm

j bo dude i could totally write a better ryhme but im too stoned

 
 
Fri, 12/17/2010 - 2:15pm

that was the most amazing thing i have read in my whole life, i mean i never thought that dr. suess could be beat but this shit trumps dr. suess all the fukin way

 
 
Tue, 12/21/2010 - 12:01am
HDROACH (not verified) Says:

FML FYL FOL's
damm this was an inspiring 3 minets of my time,,

 
 
Sun, 12/19/2010 - 4:39am
 
 
Mon, 12/20/2010 - 9:19pm
mooders54 Says:
 
 
Tue, 12/28/2010 - 12:24pm
hilz0r Says:

That was unnnnnfuckin real!!! THANKS :) I kinda wanna write this in a lil book for my future kids.

 
 
Wed, 12/29/2010 - 3:17pm
bmowl13 Says:
 
 
Thu, 12/30/2010 - 6:16pm
KRlST0PHER Says:

Now I know where Dr. Seuss get's his ideas!

 
 
Thu, 12/30/2010 - 10:24pm

Amazing... thats all I need to say. Totally amazing.

 
 
Sat, 01/01/2011 - 4:57pm
Bongslut Says:

Me and my friends actually edited the Green eggs and ham book awhile ago. we drew pictures in it. Only we changed the name to Green Buds and Cocaine. In every picture the people are hitting bongs, and snorting coke. haha its great

 
 
Sun, 01/09/2011 - 10:14pm
 
 
Tue, 01/11/2011 - 1:13am
 
 
Tue, 01/11/2011 - 8:36pm
 
 
Wed, 01/12/2011 - 6:25pm
ibetokin Says:

ok that was insane... it took me forever to read, and i had to start over and read it out loud.. but wow. im emailing that to everyone! lol.... if i remember/:

 
 
Wed, 01/12/2011 - 6:47pm

You were definitly sober when you wrote this other wise it took you like 4 hours to write because if i was high i would never be able to type for this long