By Dana Larsen


Would you like green buds and hash?
- No I would not, Mister Stash!

Would you like them in a bong?
Would you like them all day long?

- No I would not in a bong!
- No I would not all day long!
- I do not like green buds and hash.
- I do not want them Mister Stash!

Would you like them wrapped in paper?
Will you try them now or later?

- I do not want them wrapped in paper.
- I don't want them now or later.
- I don't want them in a bong,
- I do not want them all day long.
- I do not like green buds and hash,
- I do not want them Mister Stash!

Would you like them in a joint?
- No I would not, what's the point?

Perhaps you would prefer a puff?
Just have one, that is enough.

- I won't partake, not of a puff,
- Nor a hoot, nor hit, nor huff!

Would you try a tiny toke?
- No I don't want any smoke!

What if they were vaporized?
- I've told you no a thousand times!

Would you, could you, in a cake?
Or in cookies I can bake?

- I do not want them in a cake,
- Or in cookies you could bake.
- I do not want them vaporized,
- Or other means you have devised.
- I do not wish to try a toke,
- Or otherwise inhale smoke.
- I won't participate in puffs,
- You have asked me quite enough!
- I get no joy from juicy joints,
- I really do not see the point.
- I do not want to use the bong,
- I think that buds and hash are wrong.

In a tincture would you take it?
I could show you how to make it.

- I do not want them in a tincture
- Or in any other mixture!
- I do not want green buds and hash,
- I do not want them Mister Stash!
- Why do you care if I try them?
- Will you profit if I buy them?

I offer buds and hash for free,
There is no benefit to me.
Someone said that that you were sick,
green buds and hash might do the trick.
If you find you're getting thinner,
With no appetite for dinner,
Or you suffer from sclerosis,
Epilepsy or neuroses,
For almost all the ills that ail ya,
buds and hash will never fail ya.
Have glaucoma? PMS?
Green buds and hash have much success.
For protection against strokes,
Its best to have some potent tokes.
If your muscles are not dandy,
Try some green bud infused candy.
For migraines, spasms, even cancer,
Green buds and hash provide the answer.
If you are not feeling right,
Then have green buds and hash tonight.

- It's true I am not feeling great,
- My health's been rather poor of late.
- My doctor says that I have ills,
- He told me I should take these pills.
- I cannot even sleep at night,
- I never do feel quite alright.
- I will try green buds and hash,
- I will try them Mister Stash!


- Hey now I am feeling good!
- They worked just like you said they would.
- I have never felt this fine!
- Green buds and hash are quite divine!
- I will bake a green bud brownie,
- Whenever I am feeling frowny.
- I will try them vaporized,
- That technique seems very wise.
- I will take them in a tincture,
- And in every other mixture.
- Perhaps I would prefer to puff,
- And stop when I have had enough.
- I will roll some massive joints,
- And smoke them down to little points.
- I will toke upon the bong,
- I will do it all day long.
- I really like green buds and hash,
- I do enjoy them Mister Stash!
- Thanks for being so insistent
- And for being so persistent.
- My mind and body are improved,
- My spirit also has been moved.
- Though I was told they are a sin,
- Green buds and hash are medicine.
- I'm sorry that I was so hateful,
- Now I know I should be grateful!
- Thank you, thank you, Mister Stash,
- Thank you for green buds and hash!

Made popular on: 
Mon, 11/02/2009 - 6:25pm


Tue, 11/03/2009 - 9:24pm

im sorry i just dont have that kinda attention span

Tue, 11/03/2009 - 9:54pm
Slugz Says:

I Am Going To Buy A Baby Gorilla And Teach Him The Ways Of A Stoner
And By The Time I Get Home From Work He Will Have Rolled A Bunch Of Blunts

Tue, 11/03/2009 - 10:20pm
Tue, 11/03/2009 - 10:34pm
bodangls Says:
Tue, 11/03/2009 - 11:07pm
kodee Says:

i think i just read the best thing ever

weather or not dr suse is dead or not hes rolling in his grave

Wed, 11/04/2009 - 12:56am
Wed, 11/04/2009 - 1:25am
Wed, 11/04/2009 - 1:31am

nice job! omg thats an awesome spin on a childhood classic! i love this site :D

Wed, 11/04/2009 - 3:28am

ohh my fucking god
you are a fucking god
how did you create that!

Wed, 11/04/2009 - 9:53am
Wed, 11/04/2009 - 5:05pm
SparkUp Says:

wow im actually crying, that was so amazing. if we ever meet, you have earned many a smoke up

Wed, 11/04/2009 - 6:36pm
Wed, 11/04/2009 - 7:40pm
meganleigh Says:
Wed, 11/04/2009 - 9:52pm
Wed, 11/04/2009 - 11:09pm

oh my goddddd,
this takes genius to a whole new level!

Wed, 11/04/2009 - 11:52pm

Thats fucking great it!

Thu, 11/05/2009 - 1:35am
uhm...what Says:

I LUV THIS!! I THINK I LUV YOU!!!. HOLY BALLZ someone down voted this! they should be kicked off this site, just for down voting this master piece... keep up the good work you, brilliant bastard ;)

Thu, 11/05/2009 - 3:05pm
fubarium Says:
Thu, 11/05/2009 - 3:41pm

I think this would make a great play. If kids did this play in elementary they would be worth watching!

Thu, 11/12/2009 - 6:44pm

tl;dr. Not an idea either.

--I finally read enough comments to actually read it all, and I am quite impressed. Nice job! Sorry for being a bitch. That's why I no longer allow myself to read anything on here not stoned.

Fri, 11/06/2009 - 6:33pm

i would totally fuck your brains out and make you read that to me while we are doing it

Sat, 11/07/2009 - 2:30am
Harmon Says:

That was amazing.
I want to know who the fuckers were who voted down on this shit.
How could you??
This was a genius, amazing, mindblowing, epic experience to read.

There should be a book.
You, my stoner friend, should be famous.

Sun, 11/08/2009 - 8:43pm

Yep; I Found The Betime Story I'll Read My Kids;
Your Amaing.
-Samantha {{CrAzZy}}™

Sun, 11/08/2009 - 10:18pm
xplozuhn Says:

I love stoners who actually have the initiative to sit down, take some time, and produce something epic

Mon, 11/09/2009 - 2:26am
puts23 Says:
Mon, 11/09/2009 - 9:14am
superhigh Says:

totally nongay. but i love you. bro love. thats what it is. i have great bro love for you dude. jesus christ on a crutch. that was good.

Mon, 11/09/2009 - 9:16am
superhigh Says:

and i just now look at your pic and see your a girl. so i ask a different question now. WILL YOU MARRY ME.

Mon, 11/09/2009 - 8:56pm
Thu, 11/12/2009 - 5:53pm

BLOW MY MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fri, 11/13/2009 - 12:23pm
It3m_n9ne Says:

I wanna see this depicted in pictures as the original.... That would be sick...

Fri, 11/13/2009 - 8:25pm
TokeyNeem Says:
Sun, 11/15/2009 - 3:53pm

would dana larsen care if i made a song and a cartoon out of this?

"It'd be cooler if you did"

Mon, 11/16/2009 - 9:52pm
cl29420 Says:
Tue, 11/17/2009 - 3:59am
Tue, 11/17/2009 - 4:56am
lukezm Says:

whos gonna illustrate this shit? please

Thu, 11/19/2009 - 1:55am
graffika Says:
Fri, 11/20/2009 - 4:26am
Fri, 11/20/2009 - 10:09am
Skunknugz (not verified) Says:
Sat, 11/21/2009 - 5:36pm
Tonetto Says:
Sat, 11/21/2009 - 8:50pm
mastersesh Says:
Sun, 11/22/2009 - 2:55pm
kate515 Says:

i am so happy right now. that was amazing. thank you for this.

Tue, 11/24/2009 - 3:10am
fuzzfro007 Says:

Pure... Epic... WIN.
:) made my week.

Tue, 11/24/2009 - 3:41am
Ganjnyukka Says:

This is probably the best thing that has ever been thought of in the freaking universe! KUDOS!!

Tue, 11/24/2009 - 11:03am
DizzyD Says:
Tue, 11/24/2009 - 10:02pm
nuge Says:

way to baked to read the whole thing but ur awsome:D
BE chill

Thu, 11/26/2009 - 2:41pm
Thu, 11/26/2009 - 2:48pm
BlazzinSky Says:

You are my fucking idol man. Most ingeniously written skit ever with meaning. I love it

Fri, 11/27/2009 - 3:33am
IRaamBooty Says:

lol u are now my best freind u should sell this story or make a shit ton more stories and make a bed time storie book

Sat, 11/28/2009 - 11:22am
LightItUp Says:

this is one of the single best things I've ever read on the internet

Sun, 11/29/2009 - 12:46pm
xdorkasaur Says:

greatest. childrens book. EVER.

publish that shit bro.